The Adventure of Being

Festive Felt

2012-01-07T08:08:00.001-07:00

As an undergrad student my emphases fell within the realm of fine arts. I amassed every possible major and minor my scholarship would allow me. Yet in that flurry, I didn't allow myself the opportunity to simply enjoy exploring other creative fields. It wasn't until several years ago that I began to dabble in the world of fiber arts.

This year for Christmas I was thumbing through some history books when I crossed a display of antique felt ornaments. Their great preciousness resided in their hand-crafted look. The stitching reflected the progress of the artist's practice. Not manufactured in a store but, I imagine, felted and embroidered by a fire in someone's home one hundred or even two hundred years ago.

While I'm not up to the task of attempting a sampler anytime soon, I so enjoy the super portable and very gratifying smaller hand-stitch projects. When you're running a home and managing parenthood sometimes the easiest projects are those you can transport from room to room or pick up and put down in a snap.

You could easily felt these medallions from a knit out of fisherman's wool yarn or you can pop into your local craft store as they are offering wider selections of good quality felts more and more these days. In any case, a simple embroidery needle, good floss, and a bit of quilt batting can provide so much inexpensive satisfaction :)

Front: inspired from (pre) colonial pieces

Back: surname monograms

What It Is

2011-12-16T10:51:00.001-07:00

Reading: The Hunger Games Trilogy, Suzanne Collins
Listening: The Nutcracker Suite, Tchaikovsky
Watching: Brad Meltzer's Decoded
Thinking: 5 weeks until we meet her

Responsibility

2011-12-16T10:43:00.001-07:00

Recently, some friends and I got into a conversation on responsibility. Initially, I reflected on the topic with a sort of thoughtful appreciation but resided to be a listener rather than a partaker; it didn't seem that inspiring a theme to stir any passionate input. We have all considered responsibility, our own, those of others, duty, privilege, chores, etc. "Yeah, I've got those," I respectfully nodded as my friend delved into conversation. As more of us began to elaborate on and dissect the point, a slew of realizations actualized for me, painting a much more purposeful perspective on a subject I have taken for granted.Growing up the eldest of four, child of divorce, survivor of abuse, I adopted (what I now refer to as) a mutated definition of responsibility. Many first borns will attest there is a hyper-maturity load naturally taken on whether one grew up in a completely healthy environment or not. In my case, the elements of self perfection and protection of my younger siblings contorted into your standard, textbook control issues. According to the Megan dictionary, my learned definition of responsibility was:

re-spon-si-bil-i-ty noun \ri-ˌspän(t)-sə-ˈbi-lə-tē\1. An unhealthy attachment to a desired outcome.

Taking this little gem with me well into my adulthood proved to instigate more challenges and disappointments. Every choice I made in relationships, friendships, or regarding myself was colored with obsessive consideration to the outcome. I began managing and/or enabling others around me. I was the great chameleon adapting my actions and choices to suit a specific result. It wasn't until my early twenties that I began to unlearn this archaic definition and put on a wiser perspective. The "un-education" was not without growing pains. I resented all responsibilities, even the naturally healthy ones I owed myself. As I detached from the old ways, the new and healthy ways had yet to be identified as positive and not an energy drain as their counterparts were. Over time the two sorted out, resentment died and I embraced the privilege of self-care; of the purpose inherent in healthy responsibility. Through my own recovery I came to adopt a sort of mantra I ask myself before every decision affecting others:

Am I choosing this to illicit a specific desired outcome, to manipulate an illusion of control over or self protection from a specific outcome, or am I choosing this freely as giving a gift without fear attached?

I find the thirty seconds spent considering this has altered my postion completely. It has allowed me to make choices with the aid of boundaries, not stone walls. It has provided opportunities to take risks without suffering or anxiety. I can choose to take up responsibility for others when help is necessary, without a false sense of it being my burden but with a spirit of independent charity. Lastly, in consideration of the topic, I was reminded of something a supervisor once empowered me with years ago as a volunteer. I was working with families on welfare just after the reform. Down in the worst parts of Cincinnati I was volunteering as an educator at one of the local resource centers to explain the changes to people in the system. It was ultimately a very frustrating job. Of course the reform was confusing and restricting in brand new ways to people who were already battling odds but more frustrating still was the lack of motivation, the apathy exuding from the majority of the families I met with. I remember asking the co-ordinator what I could do to get these people to be proactive, more responsible. She answered definitively,

The one thing, the greatest thing you can do for them to encourage them to be more responsible is to give them responsibility.

Deep and wide wisdom here. Totally flew over my head as a 19 year old. Sitting on her words, philosophically playing with them, praying over them became the foundation for my understanding this phenomenon within our humanity which fulfills itself by itself. Responsibility offers the opportunity for dignity, for building self-worth by the self, of creating authentic opportunities to display trust and build trust. Sometimes the greatest thing we can do for others is to help them do for themselves. Not taking on their responsibilities was a duh moment for me and one of the most memorable nuggets of enlightenment the wisdom of The Holy Spirit could have given on the subject.

What It Is

2011-10-26T08:18:00.003-06:00

Reading: Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
Listening: The Dandy Warhols, Ok?
Watching: The Colony
Thinking: on knitting :)

National Museum of USAF

2011-10-26T08:14:00.003-06:00

This super fun (and free) attraction is just 30 minutes away from our house. The National Museum of the USAF in Dayton is seemingly endless in size but if you can find your way to the featured children's exhibits you're golden!

Joy of Joys

2011-07-01T11:33:00.003-06:00

Two weeks ago I was finally able to hear my baby's heartbeat. Although I'm still early in the pregnancy, that little heartbeat had been a long time coming.

Brian and I had been admitted to a local ER one Sunday night over a month ago. This isn't one of those
" I thought I ate some bad tofu, Doctor- but it turned out I was pregnant!" stories ; ) We had already known for a week that we were expecting when the symptoms began. Four hours and several indicative examinations into the night, the attending was concerned with what he was seeing. We were transferred to a neighboring city hospital with a full obstetrics floor for further testing. It was a menagerie of stress and worry. Blood work, multiple ultrasounds, exams, all before four in the morning. It was exactly the right environment for only one possible positive: prayer. It required every bit of attention and focus to keep my mind from wandering and thinking the worst. It took repeated dedication through each different bombshell to remain fixed on The Truth. With Brian holding my hand and praying with me, we said "yes" to the only healthy opportunity we had and that was choosing what we believed about our God in that time. The wilderness of our lives are only desperate, ignorant lands when we wander them alone and I am a firm believer that The Lord leads His beloved children into the wilderness out of love. He thinks us and makes us worthy for that critical- absolute dependency time. It's a honor if you can see it.

Two years prior I found myself in a similar situation, crying on a hospital bed with a Doctor finally asking, "You didn't wan't any more kids, did you?" I was the 0.1% of women studied who had an adverse reaction to a silicone IUD. My husband and I had a text book healthy pregnancy four years ago with our first and after the advising of a trusted midwife I went forward with an IUD. Growing up, I was the girl who would get an infection if my earrings weren't gold studded, what on Earth made me think I wouldn't have a problem with this? Perhaps because I have a high pain tolerance It was only after I had incurred serious medical problems that I investigated my health. Several Doctors had seen me and there I was, told I probably wouldn't be able to support more children. I shouldn't even try. This is what I believed for the last few years.

WIth the ungodly fear of this years-old diagnosis, I accepted my condition with little grace. I was sad, self-defeating, shamed that I focused so much on what I couldn't have when I could have redirected that onto my living and healthy child (don't get me wrong, he's showered plenty with love ; ) ). This Spring The Holy Spirit provided me fresh confidence and some wisdom. "Who said you couldn't have more children?" The HS whispered in my ear one afternoon. In the years time The Holy Spirit had grown in me a ferocious motherly heart for a brood of kids biological or not. It made no difference. I had learned that I wanted to adopt. His grace revealed to me that He had made me to desire adoption. What an amazing way for The Lord to stretch and challenge this Mama's heart; still- the joy and excitement I feel about it is powerful. When He strongly asserted that HE decided life- open and closed wombs- He proceeded to tell me to live my life putting my medical faith no one but Him. "I decide, daughter. No Doctor. No one." Faith.

When The Lord speaks I listen. When The Lord speaks like thatI believe Him. I wasn't afraid, not because I had any such promise of a healthy pregnancy or any pregnancy for that matter. I wasn't afraid because He planned this journey. Something incredible, someway, was going to come of it. Whatever it was. Within a month we were expecting and within the week of finding out we were in a hospital. Crunch time. Sitting outside of the hospital in my car, on my last lab/exam day of the week of observation and bedrest, I turned off the radio and planned to head inside. They thought there could be multiples. The ultrasounds were complex. They thought ectopic. They thought scarring. They thought, they thought. Until we could hear that heartbeat and see that baby it was a bunch of "they thought". Just as I was stepping out of my door The Lord said, "Hang on. Close the door. Talk to me."
"Now?" I asked, "I trust you. Whatever happens. We can talk after," I assured Him. Silly me.
He said, "This isn't about what happens in there. It's about what happens in here- you and me. Daughter, it's time."
"For what?" I asked.
"It's time to decide what you believe about me," He replied.
" You know what I believe about you. You know who I know you are. You are my God. THE perfect God. Your plans are your own and I can't know them. I trust you. Whatever my life is. You have known that my whole life with you."
"What about the real issue?" He was serious. I knew what He was referring to. I began to cry.
" I believe YOU have made me into a mother, not the child I already have. You've given me a mother's heart. A vastly massively huge and juicy heart for children, whomever they are- whenever, however they are. YOU have given me this desire. And I know that you do not give us desires which are in keeping with your will only to kill them. You gave me this desire and I believe you will fulfill it and you already have. I am the mother you made me to be to any and all children. You won't squash who you've made me to be."
I was trying to cry daintily as people clamored into the parked car next to me.
"You've got it, daughter. You will always be the mother I made you and nothing will take away the gift you already have. The truth is the promise has already been fulfilled. You've already got it."
Signed. Sealed. Delivered. That was the point of the entire week. That was the healing of years of fear and questioning. That was The Final Word. I wasn't nervous about the Doctor's visit. It mattered but it didn't matter the way it did just an hour earlier. God was already allowing me live out my gift from Him.

Two weeks ago we heard our little baby's heartbeat and it was a strong as it could be. Right on time. The heart fluttered on the screen. Everything looked as healthy as if none of the last two years concerns had meant anything. The Lord's serious and deep love for His creation was the prize of this ordeal, that gorgeous little life on the screen- that was the icing on the cake.

What It Is

2011-06-07T14:45:00.002-06:00

Reading: Mason & Dixon, Thomas Pynchon
Listening: Phantogram
Watching: The Red Violin
Thinking: Praying. Faithfulness.

Zeno Line Rewind Review

2011-06-07T10:52:00.001-06:00

The latest review: The Zeno Line Rewind LED photodynamic light therapy system. What a mouthful! ;)

New Wheels

2011-05-16T14:51:00.002-06:00

Owing to the generosity of some very dear friends and neighbors, Finn has come into his possession: two new trikes : ) He shot up so much this Winter that when the time came to pull out his old trike he was just to crammed. Friends of ours have two boys just slightly older than Finn and in their kindness gave Finn the next two sizes up! Until we get to the "Big Kid Bike", it seems a 3 year old's mobility options are as quickly outgrown as the shoes on their feet!

On the one warm day we've had this entire Spring (it's been NOTHING but gray skies, rain clouds, and lightening for months), Finn peddled that trike as far around town as possible! We're looking forward to Summer...soon!

Caramel Bliss

2011-05-16T14:46:00.003-06:00

It is nearly dinner time. Manna Cupcake Cafe is closed today. All I want is a Caramel babycake ;)

Oil Cleansing

2011-03-24T13:26:00.009-07:00

As I mentioned in the video, below is an introductory list which may help in solving some of your skincare concerns. Remember, you can't over do oil and it is more than ok to combine several into a custom blend to best suit your needs. Have fun!

Jojoba Oil-100% Pure Jojoba Oil is derived from the seed of the jojoba (Simmondsia chinensis) shrub and is one of the most popular cosmetic oils available today. Its high stability, invigorating scent and cosmetic versatility make it idea for all skin and hair types, and it is most commonly used to promote softer hair and skin. Jojoba Oil contains many nutritional compounds, including long-chain essential fatty acids and fatty alcohols.

Olive Oil- Olive Oil is mild on the skin and won't strip skin of vital oils and moisture. Olive oil is high in antioxidants, including vitamin E. Antioxidants are nutritional powerhouses that protect against age-accelerating free radicals.

Primrose Oil- Primrose Oil is used in some shampoos and skin products since it has a decent concentration of omega 3's and essential fatty acids. Research has linked lack of essential fatty acids in your diet to psoriasis, eczema, and other skin conditions.

Avocado Oil- Avocado Oil is an all-natural, nutrient-rich vegetable oil that contains collagen-supporting amino acids and proteins, as well as vitamins A, D and E. Heavy in texture, Avocado Oil increases epidermal elasticity, while thoroughly moisturizing and softening stubborn, dry or cracked skin. When used as a massage oil, it's soft, soothing and leaves no greasy residue.

Sweet Almond Oil- Almond Oil is an all-natural oil that's perfect for nourishing and reviving any skin type. Almond Oil is easily absorbed and won't clog pores, promoting clear, soft, healthy skin. This all-natural skin-nourishing oil is ideal for the entire body. Almond Oil is an all-natural oil derived from pressed almonds. Vegetable-derived oils date back to Biblical times, when they were mixed with fragrant herbs to create traditional ointments.

Grapeseed Oil- Grapeseed Oil is a light, odorless oil with mild astringent and emollient properties. This versatile oil contains numerous essential fatty acids including Linoleic, Oleic, Stearic, Palmitic, Myristic and Lauric. its rich, silky texture is perfect for soothing away dryness and irritation and is suitable for all skin types since it won't clog pores or cause break-outs. Grapeseed Oil is perfect as a base for lotions, and it's mild enough to use as a conditioner for all hair types as well.

Castor Oil- Castor Oil is expeller-pressed from the seed of Ricinus communisand is virtually odorless and tasteless. While it's applicable in many other areas of wellness, Castor Oil is considered by many to be one of the finest natural skin emollients available today. Also known as Palma Christi (the "Palm of Christ"), castor oil celebrates a history of use that dates back to biblical times. Since then, it has been used therapeutically to help support and soften healthy skin and hair, and is commonly used in some of today's most popular cosmetic and beauty formulas.

Flaxseed Oil-Flaxseed Oil is incredibly rich in the essential fatty acids known as Omega-3, (alpha linolenic acid), and Omega-6 (linoleic acid). Flaxseed oil helps nourish the skin membranes by supplying our skin with natural Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids. Omega-3 fatty acids in Flaxseed oil in also essential for the production of prostaglandins in the skin to help reduce inflammation and promote healing of the skin. Flaxseed oil, when used topically, can be immensely soothing to a variety of conditions including sunburn. Flaxseed oil can also help seal moisture into the skin, making it a great ingredient to have in lotions.

ARTiculations

2011-02-26T07:43:00.006-07:00

It was for a distinct sense of fear that I never pursued a show as an art student. Not fear of criticism (I always surprised myself with how much I looked forward to critiques) but fear of failing to communicate precisely what I meant to express. Fear of being misunderstood via a work because it was somehow visually incomplete much like a broken sentence or an incomplete thought in the writing world. I was afraid I wan't getting my point across perfectly and so I wouldn't want to hazard confusion with the public. For the most part I truly enjoy my own work; the process satisfies me and the number of years it's taken me to develop confidence in my style, make up a treasured journey. Now, I'm not saying any of this from a place of ego but a hard learned place of joy and long awaited acceptance of the gift The Lord has given me. I had finally grown comfortable in my adulthood with the truth that only I can say what I need to say and only I can say it in my style. Each of us have a responsibility to utilize that which we have been given and quite frankly, it isn't for us to decide if we're "good enough" or "articulate enough" to share or not to share.

Like most creatives (of whatever medium) I share a similar story. Like the violinist who fell in love with their instrument at age 3 or the baseball star who used to sleep next to their ball, I can't remember a time when I wasn't writing or illustrating. This is what I do. Somewhere along the timeline of my life history I acquired an unfortunately all to common hyper-self-awareness about my art. As a learned perfectionist, I was less obsessive with whether or not what I put on the page was hyper-real or abstract but whether or not my viewers would get my message. Would I communicate effectively? Would they understand me? It wasn't until my early 20s, through a fortuitous friendship with a group of other street artists, did I really learn how to enjoy the freedom of process rather than the perfection of the end product. And just between you and me, I've noticed a seemingly more "perfect" end product on the pieces during which I relished the process.

This April I'm having my first show; not simply one piece in a juried show or a contributing piece in a friend's show. My very own. There's a nervous sort of excitement much like the anticipation one has looking forward to conversing with an dear friend. I'm eager to hear the feedback of these friends and neighbors and to be a part of the diverse artist community in Lebanon.

For more on family portraiture see:When I Can't Write I Draw.

What It Is

2011-02-26T07:37:00.001-07:00

Reading: The Biblical Archaeology Review
Listening: Crystal Castles II
Watching: The Pyramid Code
Thinking: About One Hour

Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

2011-02-21T06:48:00.004-07:00

Every four years or so I get the itch. It starts as casual admiring of the stylistically brave around me. Maybe I catch myself thinking about the latest celebrity to do it or daydreaming about the simplicity of ditching a blowdryer but whatever the impetus THE HAIR MUST GO!

I truly enjoy my long locks when I have them and wait many years to do so yet a strange thing occurs once my tresses trail. My hair takes over. Money flies out of the pocketbook on product and styling aids. An hour of my day becomes dedicated to detangling, drying and do-ing and for as spiritually hokey as I'm about to sound- my hair begins to identify me. Vanity. Big. Time. Vanity. Please don't misunderstand- having long hair is by no means vain. My situation had rather to do with a sort of reliance I formed on my image. My long hair had become defining of me.

We place a great deal of importance on image in our culture and most especially on hair. Enjoy whatever hair you have and however it is you want to wear it but don't allow your hair to be your true crowning glory.

If you cut, consider donation! My nearly 2 feet of hair is going to Wigs For Kids :)

What It Is

2011-02-16T14:49:00.002-07:00

Reading: The Search for WondLa, Tony DiTerlizzi
Listening: Crystal Castles
Watching: Agora
Thinking: About a world without allergies.

Phalaenopsis Cultivars

2011-02-14T07:02:00.002-07:00

Among the first tropical orchids in Victorian collections, Phalaenopsis are hybrids which are easily cultivated and maintained even by the blackest of thumbs. They are so diverse and mainstream one can find them at your local supermarket or department store. Regardless of availability they remain some of my absolute favorite of the Orchidaceae. Exotic and wild, Orchids take so very little resources and flower into the most vibrant and velvety objets de beauté.

We have an incredible conservatory here in Cincinnati in The Krohn. Their Orchid collection is nothing short of breathtaking and is massively magical. Some of my favorite members of the collection include such unusual looking flowers as "A Pink Lady's Slipper" (Cypripedium acaule) and the "Slipper Orchid" (Paphiopedilum Holdenii). When you visit the Queen City you must spend the afternoon losing yourself in the splendor of beauty that are blossoms, for what's purpose is self-fulfilled.

Flowers... are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1844
Give me odorous at sunrise a garden of beautiful flowers where I can walk undisturbed. ~Walt Whitman
Break open a cherry tree and there are no flowers, but the spring breeze brings forth myriad blossoms. ~Ikkyu Sojun
The violets in the mountains have broken the rocks. ~Tennessee Williams
Perfumes are the feelings of flowers. ~Heinrich Heine, The Hartz Journey

I Just Saw a Ghost

2011-02-11T08:24:00.003-07:00

Some of you may know of the ridiculously popular television show Top Gear (BBC) and may further know of my love of cars...or perhaps you didn't. Recently the guys reviewed and course tested the Rolls Royce Ghost and it was scary exciting.

I didn't share but a few iconic interests from my Dad when I was a child; cars being one of them. I'm no mechanic and I certainly couldn't build a vehicle from frame but the creativity, the beauty and the mechanical power of these kinetic art pieces carves out a hearty niche of my inspiration bank.

I was speaking yesterday with a customer at the bakery regarding creative inspiration. It's remarkable the unexpected places we may find said inspiration and we agreed there are certain people, places and things which serve as creative fuel time and time again. Automobiles are one of those things. I wrestle with the reality that some of these cars cost as much as a house or two houses in some cases. One could provide clean drinking water to many people for the price of owning a metal box which transports people around. I'm not glorifying the consumer Auto-culture by any means. I'm merely speaking to my appreciation for the craftsmanship and genuinely stunning design that is an inherent part of mobile arts. Artists: there is inspiration all around. What are some of your most unusual sources?

Come Fair Spring!

2011-02-08T13:47:00.001-07:00

We had my Mother, Father and Sisters in Law over for dinner a few nights ago and in a most kind gesture they gifted us with lovely live tulips! They are a vibrant addition to a drafty old house and are great inspiration for the beckoning of Spring!

Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night. ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters of Rainer Maria Rilke

Awake, thou wintry earth -
Fling off thy sadness!
Fair vernal flowers, laugh forth
Your ancient gladness!
~Thomas Blackburn, "An Easter Hymn"

The year's at the spring
And day's at the morn;
Morning's at seven;
The hillside's dew-pearled;
The lark's on the wing;
The snail's on the thorn;
God's in His heaven -
All's right with the world!
~Robert Browning

In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt. ~Margaret Atwood

First a howling blizzard woke us,
Then the rain came down to soak us,
And now before the eye can focus -
Crocus. ~Lilja Rogers

For When You Can Never Find the Time

2011-02-07T06:53:00.007-07:00

As my sister had taken a spill, my Marmee and I have taken to putting in many more hours at the shop. Until Amanda recovers (and she must rest), we are getting to know our way around the flow of the whole bakery rather more intimately than we did before. Good can always be found in the midst of chaos. Remember that.

On this Monday, my day of rest (two days late in the week, I know), I'm allowing myself the leisure of a favorite pastime: bed-lounging. Bed-lounging may sound overwhelming and quite frankly scary to those new to the idea. I assure you it is quite safe however extremely addictive. Thank heaven most of us don't have copious amounts of free time in which to fully abuse this hobby or I fear we would.

All one needs to effectively bed-lounge is:

1) A bed. Preferably cushy and adorned with troves of fluffy pillows.
2) A big-gulp of one's favourite hot beverage. Mine for instance is a venti decaf truvia sweetened coffee with enough cream to nearly make a breve. Stir well. Sip often.
3) A book. But not just any book. There is a type of book which Half-Price lovers purchase on a regular basis. It is the "I've always wanted to read something like this-the dust jacket looks promising and one of the reviewers is an author I adore-I should buy this 'cuz I don't need it but I'll probably want to read it if I ever get a spare minute. I'll probably never get around to reading it but I ought to have it" book. Grab one of those books from your shelf.
4) Last Sunday's newspaper (which was also never read.)
5) One's latest to-do busy work. For some a stack of thank-you cards left to be written, for others a blank diary. In my case it is most often my latest knitting.

The idea is simple. So simple most of us overlook it on a regular basis. You must recline in bed, lounge if you will, splay all of your acquired accoutrements about you and leisurely dig in. LEISURELY being the operative. Whatever you do it must be leisurely. This is not work. This is not a task. This is about spending an hour of your time enjoying something small in a very present way. Take this rest seriously!

If you are not a book or newsprint kind of relaxer then by all means keep a tablet or notebook at the ready. Web surf all of those blogs you were meaning to. Email (not for work) a long lost contact. Whatever it takes and at all costs, take time for your self.

For your review, a suggested starting point for the crafty-vintage set:

My Paper Crane
Posie Gets Cozy
The Snail and the Cyclops
Demure Folk
Field Guided

Recuperate from agenda!

Thai Curry in a Jiff

2011-01-24T16:49:00.002-07:00

A few years ago after having my son I stepped my vegetarian lifestyle (of 16 years) up to vegan and gluten. Both my lad and I have food allergies and wheat aversions so to accommodate an ever adventuresome palette I ventured into the easily veg-friendly collection of Thai cuisine. We are HUGE curry nuts in our house and while I've never met a curry I didn't like I am particularly partial to Thai Yellow, Gaeng Karee Gai.

This is our favorite and is quite easily modified to your liking (or experimentation!)

Vegan Thai Yellow Curry

1 Orange Bell Pepper
1 Yellow Onion, diced
1 14 oz. pkg. Extra Firm Tofu, 1/2" cubed, fried
3 Yukon Gold Potatoes, 1/4" cubed
1 can of peas
2 tsp. Yellow Curry Powder
4 tbl. Yellow Curry Paste
2 tsp. Dried Mustard
2 tsp. Chili Powder
.5 cup of Veggie Broth
.5 cup of Coconut Milk
1 Lime

Cut and drain/dry the tofu thoroughly. Retained water in the tofu causes the great big scary oil pops during frying. In a stock pot fry the tofu in approximately 1/4" of peanut oil. Turn gently as sides brown. Set aside and drain on a towel. In the same pot and on medium high heat brown and soften the peppers and potatoes adding a very light coat of oil. Once they are tender add in the onion and veggie broth to sweat. Add the can of peas, curry paste, curry powder, mustard, chili powder and coconut milk. Cover and simmer for 5 minutes to marry the flavors. Lastly toss in your crispy tofu. Serve hot and with a squeeze of lime over top.

If you're in a pinch or can't find curry powder or paste at your local market, keeping a store of Trader Joe's Thai Yellow Curry has helped me throw together a last minute meal to serve plenty of unexpected dinner guests.

Take note the Spiderman Bowl my son insists on eating out of! He requested I photograph his bowl!

Drool-worthy

2011-01-21T08:49:00.004-07:00

TasteSpotting is THE most visited link on my history. Were nearing just about 6 months in the bakery and business has been on the up and up. It's one thing to bake rustically, authentically, personally in the privacy of one's kitchen; it is entirely another to do so on the grand scale and at the breakneck speed of the marriage of trend of tradition.

To keep up with and contribute to the global culture of pastry arts we at Manna share our stories, our tips and tricks with others in the business, experiment (certainly) and rely on voices from afar via the great world of blogging. There are so many incredible resources out there tested and posted by bakers amateur and professional alike; it can be impossible at times to differentiate the two anymore.

Like so many others I rely on the interweb for the latest trend and the oldest of heirloom recipes. I only hope Manna continues to grow forward in both!

Hey You Guys!

2010-10-30T17:46:00.004-06:00

We marked our 1 month anniversary at Manna Cupcake Cafe this past Wednesday. It was a day like any other: I crawled into the shop at 5:30a, served the first customer promptly at 7 and iced a few hundred cupcakes until 5p. Any other day. What details about a day at Manna that are not listed above include the real meat of the the experience around the shop. The marvelous blessing is that a normal day at Manna includes the incredible privilege of chatting with increasing numbers of new friends who walk through the door. Connecting with travelers passing through. Forging almost familiar relationships with interesting employees. Stretching personal limits all while whipping batter and refilling the creamer.

I was driving up 42 two days ago and at the stoplight before it dead-ends into our shop I began to tear up. "What is wrong with me?" I nervously questioned the good cry. The sight of our big purple sign growing larger upon approach overwhelmed me. As a Mount Notre Dame alum, we had a saying of St. Julie Billiart (founder of the sisters of Notre Dame de Namur), Ah Qu'il Est Bon Le Bon Dieu!How good is the good God! I was overcome with gratitude and awe at the indescribable blessings which occur at the shop each and everyday. Manna is so much more than a bakery and so much bigger than any of us running it. It is a mission of The Lord's own and we are honored stewards.

Each day's history has had its own ups and downs. I've had my own regressions and enlightenments within it. The shop which has become common ground for many, is a happy thing to be a part of and for as long as G-d wills I will joyfully partake!

Mio's. Oh Mio's.

2010-09-27T10:48:00.007-06:00

Here I sit, taking a fifteen at Manna and awaiting what could be the highlight of my work day: Mio's pizza. Delivered. Thank you Lord that it is delivered because I don't suppose I have it in me to drive the three minutes to get it. My sister and I have been ready and waiting this morning for our last two inspections only to be left waiting. Manna is all dressed up with nowhere to go. The punch list is punched. The elbow grease is greasy. The Place is spotless and we wait. Waiting is at times the best of opportunities and the worst of foes. Waiting may be elected but is most often sentenced.

Professionally speaking I'm a "let's get prepared and be hyper-organized and researched so to expedite the process" kind of person (in my personal life I'm much more zen.) I believe that if you plan well and work hard you usually end up ahead of the game. Thus, pockets of time here and there in which you wait for the rest of the world to catch up. I love residual free time. I love residual free time because it's the kind of time that occurs as reward: I did my job efficiently and now I can cool my heels for a few. As a result of a lifetime of free time pockets I've adopted a plethora of hobbies. Practically speaking one could knit with fifteen minutes. One could read an entire book in a timely manner over the stretch of thirty minutes a day. A painting could be finished, a note written, prayerful meditation indulged, a poem fleshed out.There is plenty can be done.

There are other types of waiting however. The waiting which marks our attention from the start of a task to its finish. The transitive type. This waiting is often the most difficult in my personal experience. These ligatures, these great expanses that stretch in the middle of projects are breeding grounds. How they do me in. Too often I find myself swallowed in my own thinking and problem solving. The more time I give to a problem the greater the number of points of view I acquire. Ways to understand things change and multiply the longer I sit on something. It's an amazing experience and an overwhelming one. Projects which demand drawn out solutions often take me down winding and ambling paths. The waiting is in itself a process, the process is waiting. To sit quietly without desire to act, desire to tackle, to solve is difficult for me. Within my own prayers I very often catch myself praying for the solutions I perceive best to be given grace to come to pass. Letting go of control and allowing the experience its merit must sometimes be a deliberate choice.

September always brings change for me and this year it's been a windfall. In all of my ramblings the quintessential point is that the character of the waiting game is such a relative experience. Unavoidable but completely possibly transforming. It seems a mere matter of choice how one endures it.

Spiffy Jamas

2010-09-03T08:18:00.001-06:00

Finn's Auntie Sam brought back (quite possibly) the world's cutest souvenir for him from London. He is taking his duties as a guard very seriously, as you can see ;D

Cubbies!!

2010-09-01T17:49:00.002-06:00

The "Second-in-Command" (my younger sister Amanda), recently and brilliantly organized a sibling outing (missing Melissa) and to a Cubs (...and Reds) game no less! It was Finn's first pro ball game and he was AMAZED. We live North of Cincinnati in a very cozy, very neighborly sort of city in which we often take an after-dinner stroll down to the baseball diamond to watch the High School team practice. Finn will never miss an opportunity to pop a squat and tell us all about how he is gonna play "bates-ball" someday. When he is older. "Much older, Mama." You can imagine how our Saturday night outing to the Queen city herself was as if the world opened up as wide as a young boy's eyes. The little neighborhood baseball diamond will never do after this.

We had awesome seats- we sibs enjoyed our Cubs (we are native Chicagoans), and relived an outing we used to love as kids. Super Summer Funtime : )

Did I mention we won? Just a smidgeon of gloating.

Playing "Bake-a-ly"

2010-08-25T18:01:00.004-06:00

My boy has a clever little way of switching out his "R"s for "L"s but only when it is terribly cute to do so. For instance my mom, his Grammie, is affectionately "Glammie" or "Glam" for short. In addition is the amusing way he cries out "MANNA BAKE-A-LY!!" whenever he walks past our shop. He is the greatest free advertising we have!

It's been a long long long road to get to September 2010 but we are so near. One and a half years ago my Mom, my sister and I put our heads together and by the Grace of the Holy Spirit came the idea of Manna Cupcake Cafe. March of 2010 and we were one year into planning and test kitchen glee. We had a location, a construction crew, and an incredible-wonderful-amazing community of supporters! Lebanon, Ohio, you are one of a kind!

The Summer is (gratefully!) winding down and into Autumn and we are preparing to open our doors in the next two weeks. For real this time ; ) Our family crew is one hard working lot and if we can survive the start-up process then we can most certainly do the part we love best: baking and making family of new friends.

Check out our website: Manna Cupcake Cafe, designed by my husband, Brian Vanaski. Super cute and growing everyday. We can't wait to see you and serve you!!

Sundara Yarn

2010-08-11T17:40:00.003-06:00

I'm just a little bit drooly over the fingering silky merino collection of yarn at Sundara Yarn. Please ogle away: Sundara Merino

The past month or two has unfurled a great great love for knitting within myself. It would seem that once you catch the bug there is no turning back. The simple act of knitting and purling unlocks a myriad of stitches and libraries of patterns. The tally of pieces I've created is racking up with weekly runs to our (fully stocked and wonderfully diverse) Jo-Ann fabric. While there aren't any yarn or fiber shops in Lebanon (if any of you locals are reading this please open one), there are fabulous online shops promoting small businesses, local, organic, or unique blends and dyes. I have controlled myself reasonably thus far but when the weather turns I fear my paypal account may die of exhaustion!

Loveland Castle

2010-08-11T17:21:00.005-06:00

There is plenty to entertain yourself with in the suburbs of Cincinnati but Chateau Laroche or Historic Loveland Castle is one of a kind. The gardens are all at once exquisite and exotic. This handmade castle is positioned on the banks of the Little Miami river and its towering presence is a curiosity in this part of the world. My earliest memory of the Loveland Castle are as a girl canoeing and pulling ashore for an unexpected adventure. No matter how old I grow I still walk the grounds with wonder and imagination! My sister Amanda, my little guy and myself popped off for an impromptu afternoon there and despite the thermometer reading temps at over 101 degrees we were smiling faces all the same!

Blue Manatee

2010-07-24T12:58:00.001-06:00

It was a balmy 88 degrees today (to those of you in mountain or desert climates the humidity brought a heat index of 98 degrees.) Despite the heat, we three decided a day about town sounded like a good idea and it was. We ate a simple picnic on the stonewall lookout at Ault Park: a nice hunk of Gouda from Murray's cheese shop, a few just baked cinnamon rolls, toasted crackers and veg from our garden. Perfect for a clear and bright day out. After we headed over to Madison to horse around in our favorite toy shop, King Arthur's, followed by a trip to Blue Manatee children's bookshop http://www.bluemanateebooks.com/. Since we were art students Brian and I have popped in to Blue Manatee Books to feast our eyes on their extensive and varied selection of books. I love independent bookstores and this one takes the cake. They have books in quite an impressive number of languages, books which address humanitarian and social issues for children, and an incredibly quaint organic, healthy cafe. If you are ever in Cincinnati and are looking for a free, kid-friendly way to spend the day, hit me up-- I'll drive!

51!

2010-07-20T18:41:00.002-06:00

Happy Birthday to my lovely Mama! My sister Amanda and I cooked up some gnocchi from scratch with my marinara recipe, homemade focaccia goodness with vanilla blackberry layer cake for dessert!
A wonderful time was had by all!

Lebanon Block Party

2010-07-20T07:54:00.003-06:00

I love my town. This past Friday we three headed up to Mulberry street for a bit of neighborhood r and r. Great music, outstanding food and familiar smiling faces. Community is super important in my life and we Vanaskis certainly enjoyed ourselves!

A Bit of Knit

2010-07-17T19:18:00.005-06:00

If you are a stay-at-home mama like me you most likely spend the majority of your day in some fashion of homesteading. We are a family without cable television, without a central home computer (I'm stealing a few moments on my designer husband's Mac), and without game consoles. We are a little odd by today's standards but we manage to do so much more as a result. It is intensely gratifying to accomplish new things. This past Christmas I invested in a digital piano with which to learn reading and performing music. I'm hardly proficient but I am so pleased to express myself in a new way! Recently I've taken up knitting and find myself highly addicted and thoroughly engaged. Without too many distractions in the home I am finding that the five minutes here and there are perfect for editing that poem I've been over thinking or sketching those drapes I wanted to sew. It's very easy to spot the little snippets of free time when you have the focus to do so!

When I do get the opportunity to hop into my husband's office and surf the web a moment or two I so enjoy the crafty scene. If you find yourself with a few extra minutes this week, take a gander at these inspiring blogs and maybe try your hand at something new!

http://www.knittingdaily.com/ (Patterns galore)

http://crazyknittinglady.wordpress.com/

http://www.stitchnationyarn.com/ (Love these dye colors!)

http://www.helloyarn.com/wp/ (Amazing craft and visit the store!!)

http://mysewingserenity.blogspot.com/

"Happy Donald's"

2010-06-30T07:48:00.001-06:00

This was a super special treat Mom-Son date owing to the central air that is being installed in our house this week ; )

The Ramblings of a Nomadic Writer

2010-06-16T17:05:00.003-06:00

Oh people. Sometimes the itch to write is fulfilled not in prose or flowing odes but in lists and hastily scribbled notes.

I have this fantasy where I have (magically) some secret door just appear in my hallway one day (in my mind it's blue) and that door is the portal to the greatest oasis I could ever imagine: my very own study. It can be difficult to pair up the "right time" with the "mood to write" as one would like. Far less enchanting is rushing such a match and sadly, in doing so, hasten a process which requires stewing. I rush writing far too often which is to say I scribble endlessly in pocket moleskine notebooks, waiting for that rare moment in which to "flesh it out" later. Ah, later. Later is so illusive. I digress.

Though I am a firm believer that one can make do with anything they have (and we are so blessed to have at all) I know from past experience that having a "third place" means much to a creative type. I had a tiny little section of a painting studio once (it was glorious.) I painted more complete works there than I have setting up and taking down in my kitchen ever since. I used to have a proper work space for writing: a little table which was sat before a large window looking out past the fire escape and into a network of alleys behind my urban apartment. I had a tiny cactus next to my pencil cup and B+W photos I had shot around Cincinnati scattered about the walls. It was very eclectic and very moody. My productivity was high.

In the modern age our creative tools are so portable that if you are so blessed with the means you can blog from anywhere. You can sketch on your tablet while you're waiting for the bus. And if your means are more humble, people have been toting notebooks and pencils for centuries in which to dream up entire worlds of expression. I am in many ways an "old-fashioned girl" and though I am creative on-the-go I so long for my "thinking place." I don't require much (don't let my "magic blue door" fantasy fool you.) I simply feel that a night stand drawer full of journals and an artbox tucked away in a kitchen cabinet isn't permanent enough. I need a space which stands predicable and sort of waits for me when I'm ready to waft in and drum up whatever needs drumming from a sea of contemplation. We all need a space for ourselves and if that means it's a t.v. tray and a folding chair set in a corner with a tiny little desk lamp then by golly, it's ours.

My Little Brother

2010-06-12T13:26:00.001-06:00

Happy Graduation Michael!! Summa Cum Laude!!

Simplicity

2010-06-03T19:31:00.003-06:00

Something I've learned later in my life is the wisdom of simplicity (or the simplicity wisdom brings.) I'm a big fan of the organization section at Target and I read Real Simple every month (and check their website more often.) I have two kinds of Swiffers and dirty laundry goes right into the wash and I reuse the same cup all day. I have a drawer for every item and dividers for every subset. Yes, the art of organization and simplification is a refined one but the kind of simplification I'm speaking of is not an art but Grace derived. The kind of Wisdom which is given to the wise.

If you're reading this you probably know something about my life and even if it is one thing you probably know it in great detail. I'm a storyteller, a chatter-upper, a generous sharer. If you have an Aunt Mable who has an allergy to cucumbers than I'll take that as an open invitation to discuss my wheat aversion. Don't misunderstand. I'm horribly self-aware and as such think twice about what I say (or sometimes three times) but if I learn there is something I have in common with another I see it as an opportunity to connect, to grow closer and learn something myself. So lets say you do know something about me. You might know I'm a vegetarian (and have been one for 15 years.) You might know I am the eldest of four (and we are very close.) You might know my parents divorced when I was a girl. You might know a good deal along my timeline. What you may not know is that much of what I have experienced along that timeline was done so under the precautions of a variety of self control devices.
Some of these self control devises are prettier than others (note the aforementioned admiration for Real Simple.) Other devices are complicated and intricate. Most often the very negative means and methods I have adapted for navigation pertain to relationships I have had which were very cluttered and unevenly yoked. Relationships of all kinds, shapes and sizes. In all of these I managed myself with extreme practicality, precision, and with very little room for imperfection. To control the self is human but if you are saved and walking with Christ, "human" isn't what Life is.

Salvific Grace is by all means the lifting of the veil and the parting of the sea. It is straighter than any path I could pave for myself and is more pure and simple than any closet organizer or self protecting barrier I could instate. In the last three or so years in my life one of the many rewards for obedience to Christ is the simplification of so many things. I'm not talking what the ink on the page says (although that is black and white,) I'm talking about the concrete, solid, lighter than air, more centering than yoga, all together faithful assuredness we have when we are standing still, walking center under The Love of God as the all that is Earthly and flesh and everything in it spins along the wayside. The response to buzz about and fix things or put security precautions into place or control is common. It is human and it is normal but I can testify that it will never produce the results God desires for us to desire like stepping out of the chaos of Earthly simplification rituals and stepping into the realm of Grace, obedience and commitment to these.

It's a brief few paragraphs of thought on a vast ocean of actualization but the confidence I have in the simplicity of obedience to a sovereign and loving Creator is so joyous and relaxing and so praiseworthy on my mind.

"Build City"

2010-06-02T08:22:00.002-06:00

Even at this tender age the desire to construct and expand is prevalent... and what fun it is too!

Cattle Ranching

2010-05-24T13:18:00.002-06:00

We can't pass the mechanical rides whilst shopping at the outdoor mall ;)

A Book by Any Other Name...?

2010-05-22T15:02:00.006-06:00

My techie husband is very quick to interject news of the latest and greatest "technology triumph" into any and all conversations. He is a passionate man and as such, has great enthusiasm for sharing his interests with others. He would admit that while he never tires of keeping up on trends, he finds understandable frustrations along the way. Brian and I have spent many a dinner conversation debating the lunacy/(granted)commercial brilliance of the multitudes of options/betterments available for iPads and how cable is dead and the necessity of digital, flat-panel, HD, million color, netflix ready, wii ready, internet ready, master command-center TVs will be "absolutely necessary" in the next few years (his words.)

One ongoing debate we have regards the numbered days of the printed book. As I begin writing this I'm getting faklempt. There have been a number of times where we have (respectfully) disagreed over the future of eBooks and their "unstoppable domination" (exaggeration of his words). The idea of a world without printed, tangible, I can smell the ink books frankly makes me feel as dramatic as Shakespeare's Rirchard III. While Brian never argues that printed books would completely cease to be, he does advocate the popular voice that all of these treasured works will be available and easily accessed digitally. If what happened to the vinyl record, the CD, or the video store, has anything to indicate about what the world of tomorrow looks like, it is likely that my life as a printed-book bibliophile will soon become a fringe hobby.

The availability of the entire library of all works ever written for anyone to read online is astounding. Its implications are massive and the volume of information is incomprehensible. That someone in Iowa who, say thirty years ago, had no access to the works of modern Israeli poet Yehuda Amichai, could now be a well-versed expert is amazing. Lines are blurring as minds are expanding. It's a gift of advancement that some day every person on this planet might be literate and have the same access to all material. I'm all for eBooks, I just don't want my bound, spiny friends to meet an untimely end.

During a much needed afternoon to myself, I spent a few hours walking up and down the aisles of Barnes & Noble searching for that book. Browsing was energizing as always but once I went for a specific work directly, nearly every time I was disappointed. It wasn't on the shelf. I must have visited that info desk four times for help to locate a title. Each time it wasn't in the store. They didn't carry it. Dragging my feet up to the checkout I was intercepted by a very enthusiastic bookseller brandishing a clever little device.

"Have you met the 'nook'?" He asked.

Have I met the nook? Ok buddy, I've been on your end before. I'll bend an ear for a few minutes. "I like books." I intelligently replied whilst gingerly patting the volume I was carrying. He smiled at me like I was a complete fool.

"Of course you do," he replied.

"I mean, I like them carry-able. Portable. I mean I like the feel of them." I was sounding less and less like I belonged there by the second.

He nodded. "Well you might like this little baby." (Ok, he didn't say baby but he was fixing to hawk his eReader wares all the same.)

I caved and beheld the nook for a few moments. I was slowly and reluctantly impressed. I fancied how clear the words read. I liked how light the device was. I dug how you could lend your eBooks to friends and borrow them from the public library and buy them for a fraction of the (dare I say) printed versions. In under 60 seconds I was nook hooked.

"It's ok to like it." He smiled. "You can still have your stocked bookshelves too."

I handed the nook back over, took an information pamphlet and schlepped my book (I'm not being dramatic here. I did schlep it. It was the complete works of Flavius Josephus with commentary and it was getting heavier with every passing minute.) I left feeling moderate guilt with a smidge of wild fascination at this new technology. As with all things, moderation and balance are key and with self control they are possible. I can embrace what's good about the 21st century. I can reap the benefits of the information age and not look a gift horse in the mouth. I can use a nook and keep adding to the dusty stack of "to be reads" by my bed. I was born in this era for a reason but it's good advice to keep my wits about me so to sample and not to indulge.

Throwing Wishes

2010-05-20T12:18:00.002-06:00

We hit up lunch with the Aunties at Johnny Rockets. Following, we introduced Finn to throwing coins in the fountain outside. Making wishes is expensive business.

Spring Training

2010-05-19T17:58:00.001-06:00

If you don't have a son you may not know that tee ball can also double as sword training. Fyi.

That's His Happy Face!

2010-05-16T20:27:00.000-06:00

Lunch date at IKEA with my little man :)
Sent from my BlackBerry

Like vs. Love

2010-05-16T19:19:00.004-06:00

Eros. Storge. Philia. Agape. As a culture at large we LOVE everything. I love this song. I love that scarf. I love that book. I love that actor. I love my job. We love a lot of things. We love a lot of things in a variety of ways. Though we certainly participate in real love in committed ways, a good deal of the time we misuse and abuse the admission of love (in very diluted ways). While I have many musings on the various forms and types of love this post focuses on agape. Agape is the unconditional, self-sacrificing, and volitional love of God for His creation through Christ and we are called to reciprocate in like fashion.

The other day my boy and I were sitting at the table playing play-doh and discussing an episode of Dora the Explorer. By no means were we having a serious discussion so when my son interrupted himself to "tell me sumpthin'" I was expecting the absurd.

"Mama?"
"Yes?"
"I love you."
"Well I love you too."
"Mama?"
"Yes?"
"I like you too."

Ok. Be still my heart. It's no secret that I find myself often adrift in thought, a solemn and serious ponderer, so at times it can take a great deal to stop me dead in my mental tracks. This took no effort at all. Such a simple and massive thing to profess. My interpretation of his "I love you" was emotional: I thought he meant he liked me. I underestimated him. I'm glad he followed up with a specification.

"I love you. I like you too."

It was a statement which delved much deeper than Finn ever thought (or maybe he did?) but the differentiation between like and love is a simple and hugely important one to identify. For many reasons these two things are often interposed and for many reasons they ought not to be.

When I was growing up I heard my Mom say, on a few occasions, " I love you Meg but I don't like you at the moment." When you're nine years old that flies right over your head. When you're fourteen years old that enrages you. When you're twenty years old that annoys you. When you're thirty years old that enlightens you. Thoughtfully separating the notion of favor versus commitment is big on several levels. Choosing our words carefully provides their meanings the fullest respect and better communicates our intents and beliefs.

In Luke 10:27, Christ says, “Love your neighbour as yourself” and "Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets." Matthew 7:12. Here the Greek agape is the word specifically chosen. Agape is a form of love which carries a great deal of weight to it. It signifies commitment, choice, action. It is a verb-y kind of love. It is defined outside the realm of like alone; outside the realm of fickle emotion.

I think intellectually to assert like or dislike is preferential. I think spiritually, relationally, to commit to do love is a different matter. Perhaps it will take years of diligence to keep ourselves as a popular culture from professing love for our iPads. Maybe we will never stop loving our mountain bikes or gardens or towns or homes. It isn't all bad stuff. It's merely a matter of rhetoric. It's merely a matter of meaning. It's merely a matter of so very much.

One If By Land, Two If By Sea. Three If By Air?

2010-05-06T18:58:00.003-06:00

Super super happy to welcome Brian back to Eastern Standard Time today. After a week apart I thank his peers kindly for sending him back ; ) For the first time in quite a long time, Brian had an opportunity to meet up with his coworkers in Colorado. It proved a wonderful opportunity for team-building, productivity and good old-fashioned face-time. The good old-fashioned face-time is what got me thinking.

I recall (it wasn't all that long ago) a certain friend of mine boasted in conversation, "I don't do 'e', I do 'snail-mail'." As a writer I will use whatever is available within arms reach when the desire to communicate hits. Most often it is my blackberry (or a lonely scrap of paper but that doesn't support my point). There is an element to the communication process which extends beyond the idea one wishes to share and that element involves the medium by which people connect. A blackberry gets the message sent but does it mean the same as ink on paper?

Now back to my husband. Brian works remotely. To be precise he works out of what used to be a rather spacious walk-in closet. I would consider Brian a very well-adjusted fellow but working alone out of a closet has its limits. While he has the extraordinary personal and professional discipline one needs to work remotely, the need for interpersonal "face-time" is real for all of us. No matter how savvy he is with Skype, his iPhone, et al., the personal means something. I was bummed when I left him at the airport but I was glad for his well deserved trip.

The first day he was out of town I was energized and enthusiastic to whip the house into shape. I was going to chisel the oven clean through its nine strata of what could be effectively considered charcoal. I was going to pay visits on everyone I could think of within a thirty mile radius. I was going to beat the rugs over a clothesline and repurpose old drapes into a ball gown and can enough fresh fruit to last my entire neighborhood through a nuclear winter. I was going to blog pages and pages, print my entire catalog of iPhoto photos and arrange them chronologically in neatly labeled albums. I was going to get ahead on bakery business via my PDA and manage to catch up on my favorite shows OnDemand once ten p.m. came around. Busy. Busy. Busy. Stop.

Midway into my week the thought occurred to me that while Brian was away enjoying the company of real people in realtime I was burdening my schedule with to-dos, with distractions. Even though some of my tasks included social calls and the company of others they were, never the less, "to-do" items. Super. Now I've trivialized friends and family. I was prepared to cram as much in as I could that I considered calling my Mother as opposed to accepting a brunch invite so to save the twenty minutes in drive time. Blackberry, Twitter, Facebook, Blog. Stop.

I needed face-time. I needed to buckle my two year old into the back of my car and truck it on up an hour to visit the great-grandparents. To sit in their living room. To see their faces. To feel connected. Far more so than the information super-highway could ever do for me. Hello, my name is Megan and I am a hippy. I am not technologically inclined by nature but by choice. By nature I am a sold-out introvert who loves long quiet sits in meadows doing absolutely nothing but unplugging. So, three days into an overloaded Day-planner I closed it up and in the spirit of my thousands-of-miles-away-hubby. I got present.

I could be called a blatant hypocrite for writing notes on digital disconnection via Blogger but the gift of internet social connectivity isn't lost on me. I'm not opposed to utilizing all of the tools we have available to stay in touch I simply find that in this day and age, one has to insist on the fruits of snail-mail, afternoon teas, or summits two time zones away. One has to insist on being present in company because it is quite easy to get lost in front of a computer screen.

Thoughts on Parenting

2010-04-26T15:04:00.004-06:00

My baby is growing up. Fast. To Mothers out there: I am certain that all I am about to write is well known to you. It would seem that with every stage in a child's development there come a variety of changes or "funks" which accompany the growth. When they're teething it may be disrupted sleep or fussiness. When they're walking the change may manifest itself in disobedience or restlessness. When they're talking it is possible for entire attitude surprises to catch us off guard. Logically, one might notice the connections. It's a sort of "Give 'em an inch" kind of thinking. While I confess that with new freedom comes new responsibilities, I know also that it takes two to tango and what we as parents are experiencing from our child's behavior isn't happening in a vacuum.

Most recently, my lad has become quite the master at reason and diction. He will proudly engage you in a straight-talk conversation one minute and whirl you in fantastic circles the next. All of this is completely normal for a child of his age. What began as a novelty, a very clever stage in his development, brought with it unfavorable and at times dangerous new patterns as well. With this slew of enlightenment and growth of vocabulary comes the idea of self-importance. I am guilty of praising him too much where encouragement is due. My enabling as a parent didn't occur to me until well into the nastiness of toddler-dom was in full effect.

Snarky come-backs came first. A time-out remedied that for a few weeks. Then the lad began giving himself time-outs as pre-pay for a sharp tongue. Unexpected to say the least. Then withholding of toys or special items suited to fit "the crime". Again, he would offer us his toys freely so to continue in unsavory behavior. I should mention that in conjunction with this were countless parent-child conversations regarding the nature of his attitude, its needed adjustment and correction by biblical teaching. We seemed to exist in a somewhat less stressing climate but by no means perfect. Then The Holy Sprit hit me with an ah-ha moment.

As our children grow we too do our best to stay on top of their reproof and if we are so endowed, we are a few steps ahead of them. While praying against the barrage of spiritual attack which befalls every family on a daily basis, The Lord in His Wisdom decided to let me in on a little secret. I had been reacting (with good intention if I do say so myself) to my child's behavior but needed to put more energy into the prevention. I let out an audible "huh?" mid prayer and understood more clearly as God opened me up to the idea of the fullness of joy in cultivating the child I want in conjunction with reproof instead of the reproofing alone. As an artist, I understand the value and necessity of discipline. Many parenting books out there have plenty to say on discipline but define it in such a narrow way as to omit the positives and joys in such. Many discipline books are punishment-focused. It is not merely about correction for improvement but it is about focus, structure, development, encouragement, truth-telling, and freedom to exercise our gifts within controlled and healthy parameters. WIthout these aforementioned elements the reproof isn't as well understood, retained or potent. So what does this look like?

My lad is easily bored and that is not for lack of effort. When beginning this "experiment" I encouraged more daytime structure in play. I realize this sounds backward but I assure you it is a great agent of balance in the day. We had predictable time in the morning for coloring, crafting, dancing, piano: any artistic expression. Later we incorporated our chores into the schedule. Putting our toys away was no longer an after-dinner task but a valuable opportunity after lunch to acknowledge our presence in the home and our stewardship of our things. Don't get me wrong, the toys were all over the living room an hour later but my child understands that he is responsible for these things be they in a bin or on the rug. Also, the biggest revelation to this self-proclaimed introvert was that my dear, wild, vivacious child is NOT one. He is a bonafide extravert and in a family where he is the only one, my husband and I often overlook what the lad's energetic needs might look like. Sure we are active. We play outside and go on walks and bike rides but what about really exploring? What about more story-times at the library with other children? What about giving this child more social responsibility? As an introverted steward of my extraverted child it has taken me some time to get a better grip on how to encourage his development in a deeper way but I can say with honesty that since putting into practice all of the elements of discipline in child rearing, the time-outs have been far more effective and the personal development in my child have been far more rewarding.

The Latest on Fixtures and Finn

2010-01-20T09:17:00.000-07:00

Eagerly my Mother, my sister, and I are awaiting the finalizing of what will be our new cupcake bakery and cafe. All of the preparations of the last year seem like distant memories as we are quickly approaching the fruition of plans. The story of how this all came to be is a marvel in and of itself but the possibilities ahead are infinitely more wondrous. What some consider arduous I consider a fun challenge. As I am about to transition from "Mom: General Home Manager" to "Meg: General Business Manager" I am experiencing a sort of thrill in the bookkeeping/ pay-rolling/Scheduling adventure of it all. The nervousness, if any, stems from the massive change in lifestyle ahead and the overwhelming truth of God's might in our lives. Through all of this my healthy fear and respect has paralleled my hearty sense of divine provision. God loves His people and delights in His works done.

Not so far off the call to "Cupcake Ministry" are the ties of support between the bakery and my roots in my home church of Northstar. What began as a small admission of a need for community has delivered massively in terms of spiritual fulfillment. Signing up for "more info" at our ministry fair last year has provided opportunities for mentor ship and outward service. As our women's ministry continues into 2010 I continue to pray for God to use me in whatever way He can as a part of this core team. To say I feel useless is too extreme but with the amount of time gone into Finn's medical needs and the needs of Manna I haven't had the ideal amount of "myself" to offer elsewhere. There is much to be said for the ministry of being an able and ready Mother and for now I maintain the majority of my energies there. If God would have me planted in a variety of ministries simultaneously then He can do it and I am not worried ;)

The crafting and reading and writing I so long to do are often afterthoughts of a quickly spent day but I have managed a few remarkable books read and a few sketch book pages filled this month. The ever witty and deeply sensitive Dawn Powell has been a simple joy at the close of my evenings. The greatest fan of Fiction I am not but she is a worthy exception and remarkably, my favorite book happens to be one of her novels, My Home is Far Away. It is fictitious though hugely autobiographical. You would do well to check her out for your next read.

Still without a computer I eek out updates once in a while and by the technological gift that is the world wide web I am pleased to continue following up on all of you. God's blessings to you.
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Finn's Second Birthday

2009-12-30T18:11:00.001-07:00

The week of December 25th to December 31st is full of marvelous celebrating in our house. Finn's second birthday party was a joy and a great reason to bring both sides of the family together. To those who have children of their own it comes as no surprise the overwhelming emotion and gratefulness that comes with the awesome responsibility. We are so blessed for Finn and as I have felt God tell me: Finn is the mercy God has shown my heart. Children truly are.

Dear Finn,

it is a pleasure to be your Mama and the honor is unlike any other. You are a present reminder of the unimaginable love Christ has for me that in my role as your guardian, your teacher, your guide, your protector- I might have even a taste of our Creator's love for me. I meet you in a timeless place and delight in your abundance of life everyday.

Father God bless you. I love you.

Mama
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Saint Nicholas Day

2009-12-08T18:33:00.001-07:00

Growing up our Mom celebrated the feast of Saint Nicholas with us. If you're unfamiliar with the tradition on the eve of the feast day children put their shoes out for small treats. The tradition remembers the generosity and benevolence of this third century bishop who allocated his wealth wisely to the benefit of the poor and in need. We left small chocolate coins to teach Finn of one specific tale relating the clever action Saint Nicholas took by paying the dowry of three unwed and compromised women. It signifies a positive spirit, one of concern and care. I hope as Finn grows he will more fully appreciate the story of the life of Saint Nicholas. For now Finn is simply enjoying the candy surprises.

Long Days Go By Quickly

2009-11-18T09:27:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends,

It's been quite a long time since updating- more specifically, updating in the fashion I would prefer (with pics and videos and fancy catchy witticisms!) In any case things are well and changing while the same and dependable. How existential ;)

The bakery moves at God's pace and God's pace is slow and steady while fast as lightning (I'm detecting a theme here.) If it is His will we may open by the turn of the New Year.

Brian is working hard (he always has) and the reward is more th status or money but a growing sense of accomplishment in the simple process of being a provider. I am all in favor of that ;)

Finn is talking (and occasionally talking back.) Trains are in and cutesy time is out. Friends, we have a full blown boy on our hands and after finishing John Eldredge's book, Wild At Heart, I am perfectly happy to encourage my boy in his life adventure.

More recently I have joined our Women's Ministry Core at Northstar Vineyard and am patiently experiencing the revelation of my role and what I have to offer to a very strong and devoted group of women. I am blessed to contribute my attention and service to the church of God's women.

The days are shorter here in Lebanon. The weather is still (somehow) warm and football and family are aplenty. We think of you often and pray for you more.

In peace,

Meg
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Everything New is Old Again?

2009-10-25T15:36:00.000-07:00

What was compost fed a great Summer garden and what was a bountiful Summer garden is now compost. Autumn is by far my favorite season and working the Earth is my favorite way to enjoy it.

I already have big plans for our next garden and perhaps it is with a sense of giddy joy I make this entry!
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'Nilla

2009-10-20T13:19:00.000-06:00

The cupcake test of the day? 'Nilla! It's simple, classic and hard to do wrong. You should taste this- it is so buttery and creamy! Happily we will be able to share this with everyone soon!
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Snack

2009-10-19T18:28:00.000-06:00

It's never too early for "Finny Pudding!" (Bad pun I know.)
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Cookie Time!

2009-10-19T15:05:00.000-06:00

What's nicer than family and cookies on a chilly Winter day? (I'm trying super hard to come up with that answer!) We're gratefully enjoying my sister Amanda's company and trying our hand at caramel filled chocolate chip cookies. Thank God for the gift of company!
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Nielsen Family

2009-10-06T07:40:00.002-06:00

It would follow that the more televisions one has in their home the more television they watch. It would also follow that the more cable channels one receives the more brain rot ensues. We have one television and what Cincinnati Bell refers to as "basic cable" so I thought our collective t.v. watching was probably infrequent. Huh.

One day, not so long ago, we were invited to become a Nielsen Family. For one week we were asked to keep a diary of every program that each household member watches. Hours are to be logged with special instructions for Tivo, DVR, Picture in Picture, multiple television households, Dish, and for times when the television is on but no one is watching. Wow, when the television is on but no one is watching. If you have multiple televisions in your home you are asked to keep a diary per set. I hadn't even turned the t.v. on before I began a silent panic. The television culture is more out-of-control than I thought.

Day one and I go about my business per usual:
8:30a -9:00a PBS Kids. Finn watches educational programming while he wakes up and I get to drink my coffee in peace.
2:30p-3:30p Bravo. Reruns of The Rachel Zoe project. Finn's napping, I'm resting, no harm done.
5:30p-6:00p History -1. The tail-end of a special on Greek mythology. I'm making dinner, Finn is playing. Is this an example of the t.v. on but no one watching?

Day four and I find myself watching even less television. The diary sits near our set, fending off my interest to sit like a potato for an hour. I spend a good five minutes arguing myself out of watching that NatGeo special on George Washington that I'd waited for weeks to air. Nielsen's should have a space in the diary for time spent agonizing over turning on the t.v. in the first place. I am beginning to wonder if my disinterest in t.v. viewing stems from moral guilt or laziness in logging it. Either way I'm watching less.

Nearing the end of our week I am now more aware of how unnecessary 99% of what I'm watching is and how intimidating self-judgement can be. Our cable company claims that we need all 600 channels simply to run our internet but in the weeks ahead I'll be certain to investigate different options. I'm aware that I simply need not turn on the television if I don't want to waste my time but having all of these channels at my disposal is far too great a temptation. It has been a most revealing experiment and I shudder to think what the "average" American family considers "normal" when it comes to t.v.!

Birthdays Birthdays Everywhere!

2009-10-02T14:11:00.007-06:00

In our household we joke that taking out a loan for the month of September wouldn't be a bad idea! It certainly is a perfect month for celebrations if I do say so myself ; )

The party rundown was as follows:
11 September was Brian's 28th B-day,
15 September was Melissa's 23rd B-day,
16 September was Amanda's 25th B-day,
17 September was our 5th wedding anniversary,
23 September was my 27th B-day, and
27 September was Grandpa & Grandma Lunsford's 50th wedding anniversary.

A great deal of fun in a small period of time!

I tried SO many times to rotate and save this upright! Brian's triple fudge cake.

Mom and Finn.

My "birthday cake" which was a box of Buskin donuts!

Mike & Melissa playing Outburst Jr.! Party games!

Summer in Review: Thomas the Tank Engine!

2009-09-25T09:17:00.004-06:00

Thomas the Tank Engine came to Lebanon a few weeks ago and needless to say Finn was in awe! The traveling event makes stops in train towns around the country and we were fortunate enough to participate this year. The afternoon included visits with Sir Tophamhatt, story telling, hawaiian ices, a hay bale maze, magic show and of course, a train ride. Like most boys his age Finn is fanatical about Thomas and is often caught humming the theme song merrily to himself. In our town, trains whistles can be heard daily and the bustle of vintage engines make special appearances. Our train station is just two blocks down the way from our house so it was the perfect way to support our community!

Summer in Review: The Cincinnati Zoo

2009-09-25T09:09:00.007-06:00

I'm finally sorting through some of our Summer pics and am glad to share a few. We had a fantastic visit with our family from Virginia this past August. Time with them is a true treasure and while I regret I took fewer photos than I had hoped that does nothing to represent how glad I was to have been in their company! Our Cincinnati Zoo revealed new additions and renovations this season which enhanced our experience there. What a gift to have gone!

Belle Septembre

2009-09-09T08:40:00.003-06:00

Around here not posting for two weeks can feel like ages and likewise lifetimes of activity can occur in 14 days. Let not my laziness discourage me from storytelling though it means there will be no posted pictures at present ; )

1) We had the pleasure of our family from Virginia in town just two weekends ago and it was a grand time sharing in each others company! Traditionally we've spent a happy portion of our Summers vacationing together at Bethany Beach, Delaware but this year decided to do something a little different by staying inland. While we spent a super fun day at the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden it is just as lovely to sit around talking and believe you me my Mother's living room is always a ready spot for the enthusiastic bubble of conversation. Those who know us know we are a loud and chatty bunch! Thank God for family: they are sure treasures.

2) Heartfelt thanks are given to all of those keeping my family in your prayers. God gave me a clear call in moving the Vanaskis back to Ohio but so much of the good we've experienced has been challenged by the bad. Am I surprised by this equal and opposite reaction? No- but it creeps in all the same. The devil will rattle every window, jimmy every lock, pour down readily and when one attack fails he persists. We must be as deliberate! The theme of attack these few months has been health. Mental health, feminine health, and neurological health. I will declare in faith that we are moving forward and committed servants to the only Being who is God. God happens still as is the opportunity for advancing The Gospel which brings us to...

3) Number Three. In reference to why God called us back to Ohio: before moving God instructed me that I would be directed to minister in Ohio and He would grace me with the ability to do so. I imagined myself wafting through my new church or community life or amongst neighbors- handing out words of Wisdom, sharing my story and easy breezy nothing to it. Not quite. The role my church is playing right now is of my rock. A font of refreshment. God is keeping me at a particular level of involvement there. My community? God hasn't arranged for me to go above and beyond in that I'm not eating locusts and wild honey whilst traipsing about the town square. Not yet anyway. And my neighbors? I find it no coincidence that we live in a 150 year old rectory where the church foundation stones are still evident in our side yard. This house has stood for Christ in this neighborhood and we are honored to live in it. But alas- no calling to host a revival themed block-party (although could you imagine?) The events of our lives have put into motion for these five months a blatant call for my Mom, my sister and I to go into business for ourselves so to advance The Gospel. For these months we've been praying and working very hard toward the opening of our cupcake bakery, "Manna". The reality of this endeavor still stuns us. While pricing supplies we ask, "Are we really doing this?" While setting up our website, scouting out properties, reworking that business plan we keep thinking with a thrill in our voices, "This is crazy!" It's like we turned over the wheel to God five months ago and declared to Him, "Here are your servants" and we've been flying with Him as pilot ever since. There is so much to share regarding this process which is in and of itself a testimony. Better to save that for its own entry.

It is a blessing to be called servants of The Lord and it is a joy to Glorify Him. He lavishes us with the beauty of family, friends, shelter, clothing, and in our case, cupcakes ; )

Eden Park

2009-08-21T07:08:00.005-06:00

This past weekend we had the pleasure of visiting with our dear friend Liz from Chicago. I first met Liz while at Xavier and since then she's become an honorary LaBarbera sister. Cleverly, she suggested a picnic at Eden Park and despite the melty humidity we managed a delicate lunch of croissants, fresh mozzarella and tomato, spinach dip, spanikopita-the nosh works! I managed to snap a few picks of Finn, Sam, and Liz feeding the ducks and warily avoiding the mob-like geese staking out our table.

Eden park is forever hosting parties, chess tournaments, senior class photos, and birthday parties. Between the spectacular view of the Ohio river and plenty of people-watching it is always a lively place to be.

Getting Our Hands Dirty

2009-08-19T08:00:00.002-06:00

Our backyard garden has been a treasure and a gift. I can't think of a better past time which rewards patience and attentiveness with (literal) good fruit. We're growing more ambitious items such as honeydew melon and some staples like sweet banana peppers. As anyone who has cultivated a garden knows that it takes good old-fashioned labor fueled by great expectations. Perhaps all of our endeavors would end successfully if we always worked this way!

This particular photo was taken last Saturday morning as we were up early (in a feeble attempt to beat the humidity) pulling up our cucumbers (2 vines worth) and a honeydew. Our beloved vine growers caught a fatal case of Powdery Mildew and it spread too fast for mere pruning and spraying to correct. It may sound dramatic to call our veggies "beloved" but I've found a tiny green space in my heart for horticulture and felt rather sad by the loss. I'm grateful we'd already had a massive yield enough to feed ourselves, neighbors and family and so it was time to turn the land and start anew!

Reposting: John Piper "No Merit"

2009-08-17T13:23:00.003-06:00

I haven't reposted yet but found this confession of John Piper to be worthy of doing so. It is a liberating, honoring, sobering confession which gave me the something extra I needed today.

___________________________________

My Happy Confession of Having No Merit
August 17, 2009 | By: John Piper | Category: Commentary
This is my confession:

I was born into a believing family through no merit of my own at all.

I was given a mind to think and a heart to feel through no merit of my own at all.

I was brought into the hearing of the gospel through no merit of my own at all.

My rebellion was subdued, my hardness removed, my blindness overcome, and my deadness awakened through no merit of my own at all.

Thus I became a believer in Christ through no merit of my own at all.

And so I am an heir of God with Christ through no merit of my own at all.

Now when I put forward effort to please the Lord who bought me, this is to me no merit at all, because

...it is not I, but the grace of God that is with me. (1 Corinthians 15:10)

...God is working in me that which is pleasing in his sight. (Hebrews 13:21)

...he fulfills every resolve for good by his power. (2 Thessalonians 1:11)

And therefore there is no ground for boasting in myself, but only in God’s mighty grace.

Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 1:31)

Believe Ye?

2009-08-13T12:41:00.004-06:00

Normally it takes a good two or three hours after I wake up before the realities of the day set in. Don't get the wrong idea, I wake up and fulfill routine responsibilities (my son eats a hot breakfast, coffee is copiously imbibed) but it usually isn't until much later that the anxieties and fears for tomorrow set in. They often start out as harmless concerns: "What shall we have for dinner tomorrow?" "Can I squeeze in a grocery run?" "I need to return that overdue library book." The very smooth nature of my mind makes allowances for furthering these necessary plans into larger (and more blown out of proportion) thoughts. I am too oft' a victim of "The Snowball Effect." Come lunchtime I am thinking about nap-time which leads to worrying about nap-time in daycare and whether I can avoid childcare...if I can find a job which offers it- that is if I can even FIND a job which reminds me that I am thoroughly disappointed with my resume and maybe I should spend 20 more minutes (just 20 more minutes) refining it today and you get the picture. It is like a grownup version of the children's book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" except my ramblings seldom involve cookies.

My devotional for yesterday came in handy today as a re-read (and an important one at that.) If one were to label my Spiritual life one would most certainly note the pattern of "take backs" I make with God. Namely regarding who is the most able. I never win in this pattern yet I play at it all the time. Plainly speaking the act of surrendering my life and commitment to trust God's sovereignty is a mulit-daily task. I do it when I open my eyes. I do it when I study the Word. I do it when the mail arrives full of bills. I do it when my son won't let me fasten him in his car seat. I do it when I hear debilitating news from the Doctor. I do it when the bank account is under by a million dollars. I do it when I share a lovely afternoon with a friend. The question God puts to me all the time is "Do you trust me?" And the inflection for me is important. It isn't a matter of logic or emotion. It's a matter of choice. Committed choice. "Do you trust me? Right now. Give it over. Give it. Let go." Choice.

Matthew 9:27-30 tells of two blind men who followed Jesus and cried out to Him to heal them. They had followed Christ to His destination adamantly pursuing Him after Jesus didn't stop to heal them on the road. Once they were met up Jesus said to them, "Believe ye that I am able to do this?" They affirmed, "Yea Lord." and with that He touched their eyes saying, "According to your faith be it unto you." And their eyes were opened. When I reread this earlier this morning I envisioned these men with nothing to loose and everything to gain chasing after Jesus, yelling after Jesus, competing with the crowd for notice. They were determined and certain that Jesus would heal them. As we study on, Christ moved according to the flow of the anointing Holy Spirit. In John 5:30 Jesus explains his dependency on The Spirit, " I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgement is just..." Our Father hears us. He sees us begging on the side of the road. He knows we are blind and in need of healing and He also knows when to do so. When. Presently I'm fixed on these men and how I am falling short in my enthusiastic pursuits. When I'm wasting time worrying about the grind of a Fleshy life why aren't I throwing myself at Jesus? Chasing him down the street? Insisting he is my savior and no other. He asked these blind men if they believed that He could do what they said. In all of my worrying I may as well be saying that I don't believe God can be God. Considering that attitude in the context of Matthew 9:27-30, how can I be healed by faith when I continue to insist on taking back yokes which belong to God? My prayers are for emphatic and fanatic faith like these blind men. My prayers are for devoted, complete, and resolute insistence that Jesus is God and only Jesus can make me see.

Strawberry Pear Granita

2009-08-06T13:07:00.006-06:00

I was glad to have Mom over for dinner the other night and it was a Semi-homemade meal (which saves loads of time in prep work!) The dessert was the only element made from scratch and it was certainly worth the effort! Granitas are super easy, healthy ways to enjoy the fruits of summer. You can make this refreshing recipe literally hundreds of ways. I'm looking forward to making this with some honeydew melons from our garden and a light ginger pear would be tasty too!

Strawberry Pear Granita

1 cup apple juice (you could use lemonade here for tang)
3/4 cup sugar
2 cups strawberries (hulls removed)
1 cup pears (cored and peeled)

Combine juice and sugar over med-high heat. Reduce into a simple syrup and remove from heat. In a blender puree the strawberries and pears. You can leave the mixture a bit chunky if you like but I blended it smooth. To the blender add the simple syrup and pulse together. In a 9 x 13 pan pour the mixture and set in the freezer. Every 30 minutes dredge a fork through to incorporate the the icy edges inward. A softer granita will set in 1 -2 hours but if you like something you can take an ice cream scoop through you can let it sit 3 hours. Be sure to keep in the freezer covered to avoid "freezer taste". It's super versatile and in the course of writing this I'm already envisioning a pineapple starfruit variation!

5 Decades

2009-07-23T13:29:00.007-06:00

July 20th marked a monumental anniversary with regard to the likes of my family. We had the pleasure of celebrating Mom's 50th birthday this past Monday and per her request managed a quiet and surprise-filled night! As she had been "dropping hints" for some time- the six of us her children (and Finn) made a reservation at The Golden Lamb for dinner and managed to keep that reservation a surprise. For those of you who haven't been, The Golden Lamb has a rich history and is an icon of Lebanon, OH culture (plus they have fabulous ambiance!)

Following dinner we arranged for an updated family portrait which was taken courtesy of a friendly gentleman who happened to be passing through town on business. Traditionally I wouldn't include such details but his photo-taking skills were much appreciated and our acquaintance typified the small-town charm!

After we hurried back to our house (only a few blocks down the road) and set the mood for the after party. Mom and Sam arrived following and we again surprised Mom with a scrumptious White-Chocolate, Macadamia Nut cake (well done Amanda!)

Meditations on The Whispering God

2009-07-09T18:33:00.006-06:00

It's been sometime since updating and that isn't to say life has been dull (although I wish it were sometimes to be honest.) The past few weeks have been somewhat of a roller-coaster in the spiritual sense and subsequently physical and emotional. The Lord has been merciful and a massive source of peace in all things yet said "all things" happened all the same. I begin with the joyful news that in accepting my sister Amanda's invitation to Northstar Vineyard Community Church, the Lord has revealed a community for Finn and me. Praying in the car on my way over I had been specific in my words and worship. Once I arrived the opening worship was exactly as I had been singing and the opening prayer used the precise words I had earlier spoken. So far there have been many confirmations and a few possibilities for me to contribute my time and talent as well.

For the past few months I have been called to step-up and have been refined and molded by Grace into what I would describe as a warrior. My call to intense prayer (aloud is best) and gentle evangelism (yes, there is such a thing) has been strengthened and nurtured by a loving Father, a Holy Word, and the Church. I gave the yoke (in my case several yokes) to Him and make that commitment at the start of each day. I find myself confessing aloud "I am The Lord's servant. It is my joy and my love to be so." All things true and all things threatening to those who wouldn't have it. I had one leisurely week before the devil swooped in. No big surprise yet always unwelcome. I imagine he thought: " If I can't waiver her commitment to service, if I can't close up her heart I will do the most fundamental thing which will reap these demises... I will fatigue her and exhaust her until she becomes lazy and lethargic." Boy did I ever. It seemed for several days I was exhausted in the most extreme sense. Play time with Finn became "Mommy needs to lay down while you play around her" or "Let's play nap-time Finn." By grace I was able to see this for what it was and yes, though I spent the morning reclining on the rug with Finn I prayed fervently against it. My spirit was not tired as my limbs were. In seeing that scheme foiled and only days after regaining my energy the devil decided to hit me one more time. This time it was a matter of my health. The week following contained bad news from doctors then good news then unclear news- each time eliciting a blow. To this day the medical is yet unresolved but My God has fortified me with Holy Wisdom. Praise Be.

Our study at church yesterday was fruitful and juicy and came from 1 Kings 19:1-19. I'm a big fan of Elijah. I think Elijah was a heavy hitter prophet and endowed with unreal supernatural circumstances unseen by any human other than The Savior himself. I must confess in my time studying The Old Testament I haven't yet understood the Wisdom found in Elijah's story to directly explain or encourage any of my own life experiences...until now. 1 Kings 19: 1-19 tells of Elijah's flight from Jezebel after the massive miracle of the defeat of the priests of baal. God lifts Elijah up and literally makes fools of the priests of baal and works this amazing event all for the Glory of God. Naturally Jezebel seeks Elijah's death out of her anger, shame, and vengeance. What does God's chosen servant do after all these signs and wonders God worked through him? What does Elijah do in response to this uncertain calamity? He runs. He "ran for his life." (1 Kings 19:3). Ran for his life. Funny. God is the giver of life so what do we hope to find by running elsewhere? Elijah's human fear is relatable but we aren't really going to find life by running for it. As Elijah finds himself in the wilderness under a broom tree he is visited by an angel who commands him to "Arise and eat." (1 Kings 19: 5). So Elijah did and then retreated back into sleep and depression. I was SO there this past week. Then the angel comes a second time. I imagine the angel saying something like, "Ok- maybe I wasn't clear Elijah." He said in verse 7: "Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you." Amen. Elijah gets up and makes his way to a cave (much like my comforter has been for me of late). This is the part that gets me: The Lord asks Elijah, " What are you doing here, Elijah?" Elijah tells God how he has been serving The Lord, jealous for the Lord, and how the people of Isreal have forsaken their covenant and on and on. Somehow I think that is not what God meant in asking what Elijah was doing there in the cave. God sends Elijah out on the mount and a strong wind passes (Elijah is unfazed and God is not in the wind.) Next an Earthquake and then a fire. Elijah is unfazed and God is in neither of these. Finally a whisper and Elijah wraps his face in his cloak. Elijah is fazed and it was a whisper which did it. Again The Lord asks "What are you doing here, Elijah?" What are you doing here in retreat? Why aren't you where I placed you?

I left the sermon yesterday convicted of The Whispering God and His presence in my life this past week. We all answer God's question "What are you doing here?" with responses justifying our retreat: " I was serving you and praying for these people but they don't care so I'm in this cave." or " I was serving you and praying for my health but I got sick anyway so I guess that's that." Basically it's a : "I did what you asked of me and I served you and did all I could and it didn't work so here I am." As if we know the ending to God's plan in our lives. God wasn't asking Elijah what Elijah was doing on the run for fun. He was asking like a parent reminds a child that Elijah was supposed to be continuing God's work not hiding.

The Whispering God comes in convictions that I shouldn't flip on the TV when I'm tired. I shouldn't jump onto Facebook or turn on the radio or thumb through that magazine (even if it is Christian.) The Whispering God coaxes you to read His Word when you're depressed. To call your sister or brother in Christ and pray for each other. To be quiet and listen to The Holy God instead of filling the quiet spaces with Earthly fixes.

In parting I leave Galatians 5:16 for thought: " This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh." Walk here is the Greek peripateo which in Old Testament era literature often meant "to stroll." Strolls are peaceful, hopefully daily and habitual patterns. They are relaxed and unhurried and consistent in stride. This past week in all of my trials the "lust(s) of the flesh" have been self indulgent remedies for devil induced fatigue. Praise God for his unrelenting love for us and the whispers he heaps upon us.

Venezuelan Arepas (GF)

2009-06-24T07:12:00.002-06:00

Anthony Bourdain and his exotic travels are a constant source of inspiration for me (resulting in occasional weight gain but the food is worth it!) Recently featured was a culinary expedition to Columbia. A staple amongst the dishes he sampled were arepas. These corn cakes are found in nearly every Central and South American culture and take on a variety of shapes, sizes, and textures depending on where you are. I happen to have a recipe for Venezuelan arepas which are browned, baked, and stuffed. It's an easy recipe and like most baked goods the secret to a great arepa is the care put into making it. Some recipes call for a press or precisely measured dough but in watching others make them I'm inclined to say the magic is in making them from scratch and by hand and eye.

Venezuelan Arepas (and Gluten Free!)

(Serves: 10)

2 cups Instant Corn Masa Flour
1 tsp. salt
2 cups cool water

In a large bowl mix flour and salt. Gradually incorporate in enough water to make a firm, slightly moist dough. Cover the dough and let it rest for 5 minutes. Divide the dough into 10 pieces and form each piece into a ball. Flatten the ball carefully into a small cake approximately as thick as your pinky.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In a greased frying pan (or griddle) cook the arepas on medium heat until golden brown . Transfer the arepas to a baking sheet and bake 20 to 25 minutes, turning them several times as they bake.

Once finished I prefer them with finely (freshly) grated cheese. They are also quite savory with avocado or beans. Have fun with them or enjoy them on their own!

Old Fashioned Frybread

2009-06-11T07:38:00.004-06:00

I was craving some Frybread this week and a lunch visit with my sister proved the perfect opportunity to share. Though there are many variations on Frybread this Native American Indian bread is an abundant staple in many tribal cultures. The bread originated nearly 150 years ago when the United States Government forced Native Americans living in Arizona to make the "Long Walk" and relocate to New Mexico. This involved 300 miles of trekking to a land which didn't support some of their traditional crops. To prevent them from starving the government provided flour, sugar, and lard from which they resourcefully crafted Frybread. Today this bread represents much more as it signifies a story of survival and understandable pride for it.

I chose to make it the "Old Fashioned" way though Shawnee friends of mine (Shawnee Nation United Remnant Band of Ohio
State Recognized) currently living in Madeira, Ohio used to make it quite differently for me.

Old Fashioned Frybread

4 cups of flour
2 tbsp. of baking powder
1 tsp. salt
3/4 cup shortening
1 cup warm water

Mix the dry ingredients in a bowl. Gradually add in shortening and water. Knead until smooth and mold into 2.5" balls. Cover with a towel for 15 minutes. Pat each ball out into a thin cake. I prefer the the cake at thickness of my pinky. Next slip one cake at a time into hot cooking oil. You'll know the oil is hot enough if it takes approx. 5 seconds for the bread to float to the surface. Brown on both sides, drain on towels and serve.

Frybread can be enjoyed with honey, jam, cheese, beans or as we enjoyed it yesterday: dredged in powdered sugar (not conventional but not bad either.)

Car Wash / Tenderloin

2009-06-11T07:22:00.007-06:00

My sister said that our family "Car Wash & Pork Tenderloin Dinner" sounded a lot like a misguided Church fundraiser: It's always a car wash and something! This particular event was the clever work of my Mom and it was not only purpose driven but so much fun! I'm so glad to be back near my Mom & siblings as they form a society the likes of which never grow boring!

It would seem Finn's car was the vehicle most in need of a good scrubbing.

Link: Newport On the Levee

2009-06-04T06:50:00.003-06:00

It was coincidentally Finn's one and a half year birthday this past Saturday as we spent the day in Newport, KY and Cincinnati, OH. We spent the better part of the morning on the Newport side ( at the hotspot Newport on the Levee) and crossed the Ohio River by way of the Purple People Bridge (which we lovingly refer to as the Purple People Eater Bridge.) Sawyer point in Cincinnati has several great parks tailored for varying age groups. When Brian and I lived downtown we used to enjoy biking down to the front for tennis and boat watching. After, the three of us headed back across to Newport and had Johnny Rockets for the first time in a long time! Quite a perfect afternoon!

Sparkling Gems

2009-05-20T11:03:00.004-06:00

Recently my Godmother, my Aunt Chick (Laurie), had sent along a biblical care package which included Beth Moore's study on Daniel and the book Sparkling Gems from the Greek by Rick Renner. I hadn't told her I was studying Daniel independently (with regard to The Book of Revelation) nor did I tell her that I had been pouring over a Greek/Hebrew Lexicon to do so. The timing of her gift was divine and has, this past week, proven more helpful than I could have expected.

There have been quite a few large hurdles this past month both in my nuclear and immediate family life. I had maintained (by God's grace) a strong sense of confidence and strength during these trials. It's only been in the last week where I've begun to waver and specifically my sense of doubt arrived with disappointing news from a health insurance agent. There is a strong chance that because of Finn's Amblyopia he may be rejected. The love and protectiveness we hold for our children is a prime area of vulnerability and in learning this news I became bitter and disappointed and dejected about it all. I was praying the same prayers but they began to carry ultimatums and fear-based vocabulary. It's one thing to name fears so as to conquer them- it's another to name them from a place held down by them. I was the latter.

I'm currently reading Whose Bible Is It? by Jaroslav Pelikan and specifically, there was a segment which tied in with my daily read in Sparkling Gems for the date of May 16th. Pelikan is discussing the significance of "...a God who speaks..." referring to YHWH. Pelikan reminds us in simple terms that, "Speaking and doing are inseparable, for YHWH, the God of Abraham, is the God who speaks." He is the Word and timelessly what is said is done. Period. There is unwavering power in that. Now jumping ahead to Renner's Gems for May 16th, the verse translated was Hebrews 10:23:

Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering;(for he is faithful that promised;).

"Hold fast" in the Greek is katecho which is a compound of both kata (something coming downward or to hold something/embrace something so tightly as to dominate it and own it so as not to loose it) and echo (which is "to have" in a possessive sense). Katecho is so strong as to imply suppression, a refusal to let go and in my case, forfeit.

Also elemental in this verse is the phrase "without wavering". "Wavering" is aklines (which is something that does not bend, is unmoving and therefore enduring and unchanging.) These words in their Greek mean so much more and carry with them a sobering power and command God's ability. If our God is a God where "Speaking and doing are inseparable" then this verse in Hebrews is a command to the faithful on how to stand prepared and strong so we can faithfully profess that God is already moving/doing/providing and in that knowledge, gnosis, we must be dearly holding fast and unwavering.

The point is that God has spoken the outcome of my life since I surrendered my life to him and since he has spoken he has done. He is doing and it is done therefore my doubt and fear is all sin (we all know it and so often slip) but that I must fiercely guard the deep knowledge of his spoken promise.

Peanut Butter Cookies: GF & V

2009-05-04T11:13:00.002-06:00

I had a hankering for something sweet which wouldn't completely blow a healthy diet. Any and all of my family members would call me out for eating wheat and dairy products since moving home. I'd fallen off the wagon a bit of my Gluten Free-Vegan diet and am working this week to get back into it. I truly believe that cutting wheat and dairy out of my diet made a world of difference in my overall health and energy. Here's a quick cookie recipe what's base is almost a fudge.

Peanut Butter Cookies:_GF & V

1 1/2 c Confectioner Sugar
1 c Chunky peanut butter
1 1/2 tsp Ener-G Egg Replacer (+2 tbl warm water)
1 tsp Gluten Free Vanilla

In a mixer combine Ener-G egg replacer with 2 tablespoons of warm water. In a separate bowl combine sugar,peanut butter, and vanilla. Incorporate Sugar mixture into the egg replacer/mixing bowl. Mix until a crumbly batter forms. Roll dough into 1" balls and place on cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. With a fork create a crisscross atop each cookie. Place two ramekins filled with 1 cm of water on the bottom rack of a 325 degree oven*. Slide cookies on the rack above the ramekins for 10 minutes. Allow to cool 2 minutes before transferring to cooling rack.

*You may not need to add ramekins when using a gas oven. Our new oven is electric and of rather poor quality when it comes to heat distribution and temperature hence I prefer a little insurance ; )

Double Rainbow

2009-05-01T16:54:00.005-06:00

As Spring has blossomed the past few weeks have been gorgeous. Though my eyes appreciate the beauty my sinuses do not and I've quickly learned that allergies take no prisoners. It's day eight of taste loss and I've abandoned hope! My perceptions may qualify as dramatic but food is a savory element in my life and I miss it so!

We often take Finn to Harmon Park which is two blocks from our house. Finn loves swinging as much as the next kid and I might add, finds a certain calm to it. He completely zones out every time! Notice the double rainbow (it's a bit faint in the photo.)

Findlay Market, We've Missed You!

2009-04-29T18:37:00.004-06:00

This past Saturday Mom, Finn, and I took a trip down to historic Findlay Market before hitting the Taft Museum for Fashion in Film: Period Costumes for the Screen. When Brian and I lived on 9th street downtown we enjoyed riding our bikes up to Findlay Market on Saturdays to catch amazing street musicians, incredibly fresh local produce, and to people watch. It's not uncommon to run into a familiar face and it is a joy to patronize such a powerful element in the midst of Over the Rhine. Mom and I enjoyed Belgian crêpes (Mom had a savory gruyère and I had a sweet lavender sugar lemon!) and Finn made friends with everyone. Check out their site @ Findlay Market and if you're local and you've never been then you ought to!

What it is.

2009-04-24T05:59:00.004-06:00

I think parenting has been the greatest experience and responsibility I have ever been given. Not a day goes by where Finn's presence doesn't profoundly stir things up in my heart region. That being said I have, in the past few days, been also surviving the simultaneous frustrations of parenting with a toddler. No matter how attentive a parent you are it is scientifically impossible to manage them completely every second of the day and when you're 1 1/2 years old a second is all you need.

Never mind raising them right and instilling values into them. May I present to you:

The REALLY Hard Stuff (about parenting)

1) After sweeping the kitchen floor Finn picks and eats from the trash pile. Old raisins and dust bunnies. Yummers.

2) As his bath is filling, Finn dismantles the linens and tosses them in (along with back up bars of soap and various other toiletries.)

3) Changing a crib sheet is the most labor intensive part of the gig. I'm sure crib sheets were ARMY developed they make them so tight.

4) Upon changing Finn's diaper these days I am not surprised to find small trinkets and toys which he has stuffed down there for later. It's gonna take more than Purel people.

5) Finn thinks the dryer lint trap is super fun and though he believes he's helping, the process of loading wet laundry into the dryer WITHOUT Finn shredding old lint and tossing it back into the machine is rare.

6) Finn sees us recycle quite a bit and our bin has no other place to be stored than our kitchen floor. My better logic tells me we have most likely recycled small toys, possibly kitchen utensils, and sippy cups unbeknownst to us.

7) Finn likes to glean snacks from our windowsills: ladybugs make for an excellent source of protein. I'm not sure if their nutritive value holds up after they've been long dead however.

Bookworm

2009-04-20T14:41:00.003-06:00

We have a little alcove where the view faces the street out front of our house. Finn spends so much time hangin' out at the windows that we decided to situate a bench as a front row seat. I'm so delighted that Finn enjoys reading as much as he does. On this particular day he was insistent on having his vacuum as an audience. He's a strange bird but our lives are infinitely enhanced for him!

Note to locals: he's shown reading a book (thanks Aunt Sam!) by Cincinnati artist Charlie Harper (an amazing American Modernist) who won the Stephen H. Wilder Scholarship from the Art Academy of Cincinnati in 1947. Brian later won that same scholarship for post-graduate travel/study in 2004.

Easter

2009-04-15T07:29:00.002-06:00

It was a gorgeous Easter in Ohio and spending it with Family certainly adds to that! On Saturday we tried our luck at the Easter egg hunt in town but as most parents know: if you show up five minutes late to an event for toddlers then you've missed the whole thing. We were five minutes late but we still had a chance to socialize. Despite my anxieties about a grown man in a giant bunny suit, Finn found his visit with the Easter bunny rather entertaining! Later that evening I joined Mom, Mike, Melissa, and Sam for a thoughtful Easter vigil at St. Margaret of York and learned that it is of near physical impossibility that I can stay awake past Eleven anymore!

Easter Sunday was bright and after church the three Vanaskis headed up to Grandpa Great and Grandma Great's house for lunch. Finn loves hangin' out with "the Greats" and following a wonderful afternoon we rounded out the day at Grammie's (my Mom's) for an ambitious and hugely successful dinner with lamb cake for dessert! Thanks Grammie!

10 Commandments Movie Night!

2009-04-07T19:08:00.003-06:00

This past Sunday (Palm Sunday) Mom, Amanda and Sam joined us for one of our all time favorite annual traditions. We've been watching Charlton and Yul in "The Ten Commandments" for years now yet each new viewing is just as entertaining as the last. Be it the 1950s inspired costumes or the impressively white teeth Charlton commands our attention with, DeMille's masterpiece is inspiring, epic and classic. We loves!

While I would hardly call the dinner I made passover worthy the sentiment was there! Contemplating the spiritual weight of the week we're currently celebrating was on our minds as we passed around the pita bread and mint quinoa salad. I'm positive that neither of these count for Matzah or Charoset.

It was a 3 1/2 hour long blast with the fam and I look forward to it next year!

A Thoughtful Surprise!

2009-04-03T09:25:00.002-07:00

My sister Amanda and I met for lunch yesterday and she showed up with these! She assured me that I hadn't forgotten my own birthday and it wasn't some anniversary of any kind but that they were "just because" she thought I would like them. I sure do!
Thank You Amanda : )

What We Mean When We Say: "We're Going into Town."

2009-03-28T18:41:00.007-07:00

Everything is in bloom in Lebanon and despite the drizzly rain our proud town was abuzz. I was glad to entertain the company of my youngest sister Sam today and a break in the weather inspired an impromptu lunch at the Village Ice Cream Parlor. Super fun! The menu is classic soda fountain fare and Finn and I (feeling daring) tried our first phosphate ever today (pineapple) and I must say I see more of them in our future.

As if the whole scene weren't enough fun you can watch the action for yourself on a live feed by clicking on the homepage's camera link. Andy, Leslie, Mom, B, and I called several folks ourselves to wave hello via Ice-Cream Cam!

click here to view the Village Ice Cream Parlor website!

104 E. Orchard

2009-03-20T11:36:00.002-07:00

Sam, I'm sorry I haven't posted the video tour of the house yet but frankly, it is still a mess! We're 1 month in and while most everything is in its place- not everything has a place yet. I am, however, good for 1 photo of our new home. The town is quaint and lively and as we have just received our library cards I plan on an afternoon in the stacks researching the complete history of our house. The houses on our street are something out of Pollyanna and are painted in Sherbet colors alike. I'm happy to have a yard and a town and a lovely roof over our heads.

A Month

2009-03-18T15:58:00.002-07:00

Its been a month since I've been here in Ohio (which is admittedly a heck of a lot of fun to say) and I may finally be starting to kind of get accustomed to it. Kind of.

Homesickness is a word which readily comes to mind. A general feeling of melancholia sort of hangs about me and the one word coming to mind is Albuquerque. I'm sure I have a few friends who are shaking their heads in disbelief (some of them native Albuquerqueans themselves) yet I do miss her. We live in a beautiful neighborhood and have begun to meet the block as it were but this tired old heart of mine ( I am no stranger to drama) is prayerfully (desperately) trying to get over the sad so as to enjoy the good.

We've enjoyed a Maple syrup tour this month and brunched with family and toured our lively little town and come to fall in love with our home but my walk with the Lord is tender at the moment. The best thing for a tender heart is to place it where it can't go wrong: Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart,..." One of the first verses we learn in bible school and easily one of the most important.

When I Can't Write I Draw

2009-02-17T07:51:00.004-07:00

Click on image for detail.

I've been thinking a good deal about Grammie lately. I was considering a picture from her wedding day when I rendered this. It is nearly impossible for me to capture the people I love accurately. I've copied paintings before and drawn models from life nearly spot on in terms of facial features but when it is someone I love- when I know the person inside who illuminates the face- I never do them justice. Still, I think all creative work is a gift from God to "say" what our spoken language cannot. I've often argued that all forms of art testify to the truth that humans were originally created to relate to one another- to know (gnosis) communion and as we lack complete ability to do so in our Earthly forms, all "art" is a gift to help us in our attempts.

Providence aint just a city in Rhode Island

2009-01-27T10:32:00.005-07:00

We've had a week of trial and testing. Nothing major but if our hearts are a "stop-n-shop", as Bill and Ted would say, "Strange things are afoot at the Cirle K." (Sorry, obscure teen movie reference!)

The well explained version of the aforementioned is that the stress of moving and money and uncertainty has gotten to me more than I realized. Mr. Finn has an upper respritory viral infection (cool) and I have an ulcer ( double cool) and Brian is just worn out! I have been diligent in my prayers and offerings of such anxieties yet somehow, in the recesses of my soul-heart I have been harboring fear.

For the past year I've been praying specifically for God to teach me responsibility and management with money at any cost (no pun intended.) I've never been bad with money nor have I ever desired riches I simply want to be the most reliable manager for my family in God's eyes. I guess I didn't know how "hot" the refining process would get! ; ) Moving across country takes budgeting skills which are troubling when one's budget is fixed. I am determined to battle the doubting Thomas in me and find relief from fear in Praise and Worship. These stressors are matters of my heart 's condition. The Lord has never let us go hungry or without shelter or without a healthy body to worship. We have what we need so why am I so easily rocked?

I've just finished Marcus Borg's 'Jesus A New Vision: Spirit, Culture, and The Life of Descipleship'. In it, (p.103), Borg has just finished discussing Jesus' image of reality. While this segment is only 3 pages deep it held significant insight into my earlier question. What's with my fear? Borg is stating God as "gracious and compassionate." He elaborates:

"The word Jesus used most often to idendify this quality of God was 'compassionate.'...which [bears] the connotations of 'wombishness': nourishing, giving life, embracing; perhaps it also suggestes feelings of tenderness."

In Hebrew and Aramaic "compassionate" is the plural of the noun "womb." What's so remarkable is the concluding statement's relavence:

"If we see reality as hostile, indifferent, or 'judge,' then self-preservation becomes the first law of our being...God loves and is gracious to people prior to any acheivement on their part...But we do not commonly see it that way. We typically live our lives as if reality were not gracious."

Brian once said that we can't help but model God after our parents. Sometimes this modulation is loving and othertimes not so much. I think there is truth in this. No matter what I know about my God and how I know him and how I love him, there are defaults in my perception which reference elements of my own father. My fear isn't so much that I'm doubting God (he has a great track record proving him trust worthy), it's that emotionally, I initially injest reality through a certain set of custom lenses: nervousness and self-doubt among them. So instead of praying for x, y, and z- I should be praying first that my lenses are removed and my nearness to the security and peace of God is clear. It's hard not to project our notions of our authority figures onto God but it is a subtle thing which has a big effect.

God's Moving

2009-01-15T12:02:00.003-07:00

After enjoying the Holidays in Ohio with family, Brian and I received the "signs" we were praying for. Our lease was up for renewal at February's end and there had been a seed of desire to return to family. I'd been praying dilligently these months for God's desire to make itself clearly known to us regarding moving and as it happened, Brian and I felt peace and confirmation simultaneously. So- in four weeks Finn and I will be returning to finalize our living situation (house? apartment?) Brian will be following at month's end with the moving truck (his confidence with that merits its own set of prayers!)

This was an emotional choice as our Father has blessed us MORE than we could have imagined with friends who are family here in Albuquerque. He has done more good for us here than we deserve. Certainly our famiy in Christ in NM has been more instrumental in God's design for the Vanaskis than they could ever know and we are thankful. So very thankful. It is with a brand new sense of confidence and joy that we do more than return to Ohio- we will be starting a new chapter there as the new family unit that we are. Please continue to keep us in your prayers because moving is so much more than the financial or the truck. Please pray for the condition of our hearts that this transition may be beautiful.

We love you all!

Yuletide Glee

2008-12-27T18:52:00.007-07:00

2008 has proved itself a rich year containing all of the elements a thorough life should experience. Once I have unloaded our camera I will be sure to post a few memorable moments of late. It has been a beautiful, Spring-like week in Cincinnati and despite the fog and gray skies worthy of a Bronte novel- it has been quite nice.

This was the first year without Grammie yet somehow, The Lord saw fit to bless us with the best Christmas yet. It has been a very special experience with our families and we have all been provided, in our first week and a half, with opportunities to show and grow love.

Finn's first birthday is a few days away, the idea of which baffles me. I am utterly grateful for the gift of celebrating it in Ohio with family and our Midwestern friends. It's with fresh eyes and open minds that Brian and I are choosing to look at Cincinnati for what role she may yet have in our lives. We'll be making a decision to move in February and we would dearly benefit from any prayers concerning the matter.

I am thankful for: A God who loves us and blesses us in deeper and richer ways than we can ever know, Dinner and a movie with my husband, Grammie (Mom) offering to babysit, Mass with the whole fam, Sleep-overs with Great Grampy and Great Grammie, and Funky Cheese Friday with the Kellers.

Chatting with Auntie Les

2008-12-14T13:42:00.001-07:00

Finn seems ever the comedian!

Christmas Cookies '08

2008-12-14T13:37:00.002-07:00

It was super fun cookie time with the Cooks once again! As Andy was oft behind the camera he isn't featured in a photo but his handy documentary work is appreciated!

Let's Get Packin'!

2008-12-14T13:15:00.001-07:00

Thanksgiving With the Fam

2008-12-11T12:06:00.002-07:00

Wonderland

2008-12-09T20:53:00.002-07:00

It was the nicest surprise when Brian finally came to bed last night and whispered that it was snowing. In a dreamy sort of state I imagined mounds upon mounds of blurry snow. Even though it was a mere inch, the flurries still falling the next morning were a sight for sore eyes. This pic is the view from Finn's window which we sat and stared out of for the better part of the morning. We can't wait to spend the holidays in Cincinnati and fully let loose in a winter wonderland!

New Family Pet

2008-12-09T10:49:00.002-07:00

We have had a legion of pets in our time together as a family but none quite as easy as this one. Finn has taken a particular liking to his new mouse and the two friends go everywhere together! Finn is often spotted dragging "bankie" (blankie) and "Mousy" behind him when Mousy isn't being carried securely in Finn's mouth!

The Freedom of Finn

2008-12-09T10:45:00.002-07:00

The Finn has become a master at walking this week and, given the right incentive, "trotting"! I have never been so proud in my life : )

"Amblyopia" or "Finn's Cool Pirate Patch"

2008-11-16T16:01:00.003-07:00

From the tender age of just born, Finn demonstrated what is inaccurately known as "lazy eye." While muscle weakness is not totally uncommon in very young infants, it is usually mild and outgrown. Our pediatrician has been following along with us and after 10 months Finn's Amblyopia has worsened. Dr. Crocetti was concerned and referred us to Pediatric Opthamologist Dr. Adams. Two weeks ago Finn had his first of many visits with Dr. Adams. As amblyopia is a neurological problem which can lead to an organic one, Finn's treatment plan includes a few methods. It is a binocular condition and as his left eye wanders his brain "turns it off" which, over time, leads to blindness and/or vision impairment. The doctor tested his vision to the extent that he could of a 10 month old (we'll have a thorough exam at 1 1/2 years) and noted that it was severe in terms of lack of muscle control and it's probable that Finn is experiencing blindness to a mild degree already. Blindness here, as we were told, may refer to peripheral vision, depth perception, and low sensitivity to contrast to name a few. What the treatment plan works to correct is any further impairment by training the neurological problem first. We've started Finn wearing an eye patch which we'll do for the next 2 years or so. We have an appointment scheduled December 15th to evaluate surgery and he'll be in glasses beginning next year. Brian has lived with a similar condition (we learned that it is genetic) and through our experience with Finn's treatment may also be seen for his own. It's heart breaking as a Mother to know Finn will have to deal with this but I was reminded that Finn won't know any different and we've started our treatment early on to solve the issue with little loss. It doesn't hurt that Finn is super cute in his little patches and I'm sure, like his Father, will be ever so dapper in specs of his own.

New!

2008-11-16T15:37:00.001-07:00

We've learned to "clap" and thusly garner attention.

The Finn has the a laugh that seems to bring people together!

Brian and Finn Meet the Legend Jackie Chan

2008-11-15T19:16:00.002-07:00

Brian and Finn were sharing a boys night out at Uptown earlier tonight. While they were at Borders they spied the famous Mr. Jackie Chan and his entourage! Brian snapped a few pics on his cell phone and while doing so backed up into an endcap,knocking over a bunch of books. While trying to put the display back together, Jackie came over to Brian and asked if he needed any help! He helped Brian pick the books up and before he left he pinched both of Finn's cheeks! I know it was boys night but I wish I could have seen Jackie Chan in person! He is a hero of ours and truly a good guy to his fans!

Halloween Videos

2008-11-05T21:05:00.003-07:00

Darth Finn

2008-11-02T20:48:00.004-07:00

After spending much of October planning to sew Finn an octopus costume (and after spending much of my free time searching for the right fabric) we hadn't found what we needed. So a week before Halloween the Finn and I went to our friendly neighborhood Target (a.k.a. "Home away from home".) Being that Finn is a rather strong and long 10 month old, he didn't fit into any of the cutesy "pea in a pod" or "baby pumpkin" options so he faced the following choices. Gleaning what I could from the desperately bare racks, I held up three: Elmo, Captain America, and Darth Vader. As Finn doesn't watch T.V. Elmo was slapped aside. Finn spent a good moment pinching the fake muscle suit of Captain America. Upon taking in Darth Vader Finn began smiling and cooing and stuffing as much of the costume as he could into his mouth. Needless to say we bought Darth Vader. Finn loved him and Finn sucked on it. Two strong reasons to buy!

Collecting for UNICEF. Babies don't eat candy and neither should we.
Finn is a little drunk with holiday excitement. Yes, the shirt is a pumpkin.

Darth likes to travel in Death Stars, yes- but he prefers to crawl.

Obama Rally in the "Q"

2008-11-02T20:31:00.004-07:00

A few Saturdays ago I had an opportunity to attend my first Presidential rally here in Albuquerque. I watch the major news channels religiously and keep up in world news via digital newspapers but there is something to be said for experiencing an event in person. Whatever you may support politically there is no denying that this was history. It was inspiring to see so many Americans (40,000) show interest, curiosity, and determination. As Americans regarding America we spend much of our energy pursuing individualistic philosophies and vehemently fighting to uphold the boundaries we believe must exist no matter how many factions are made because of them. To do even this is a precious right. The right to be and act American. I was proud and moved to have the freedom to attend this rally, to educate myself, to participate in the American political experience. While I carefully tried to learn more that evening, so many of my thoughts were on those who live in countries under oppression, without the option to participate or self-educate or ask questions. I felt proud to be packed like a sardine on a crowded University field, exercising my liberties and a part of this amazing country.

Married Four Years

2008-11-02T20:20:00.002-07:00

Early this September we went up to Divide, CO to visit with our friends the Chous in their new mountain paradise. It was all at once liberating to be so deep in nature and unusual to be so far away from the bustle of city life. It must have been quite a change for them yet such a beautiful one. At the tail end of our trip Brian, Finn, and I went back to the chapel at the Garden of the Gods where we were married. It was special to return with the wee one and super fun to wow him with the unimaginable formations which compose this part of Colorado Springs. Of course while we were there we had to stop at Chipotle. It seems wrong to lament at not having a Chipotle in New Mexico. We are surrounded by homemade burrito and taco restaurants and yet...

Second Annual Jack's Creek Camping Excursion

2008-11-02T20:07:00.006-07:00

I haven't had a minute to think so these pics are "old" (older than newer I should say.) We had the pleasure of joining our dear friends the Cooks for the second year in a row in camping at gorgeous Jack's Creek in New Mexico. Last year Finn enjoyed this experience in utero and it was a joy for us as parents to take in the majesty of nature through his eyes. He hiked, he sat around the camp fire (not too close), and he witnessed the Aspens change color. Great times with great company!
Ellen, Leslie, Brian, Andy, Finn, and Terry.
You know Old Man and the Sea? This is Little Man and the River.
The gang signs seem somewhat arthritic. Still, they are cool dudes.